Oct 19

Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents by Octavia Butler

Dystopian, Post-Apocalyptic Fiction 5

Greetings Bookworms!

I’ve been on an Octavia Butler kick lately. After I read Fledgling (review) wherein Octavia Butler turned vampire lore upside down, I decided it was time to tackle dystopian/post apocalyptic Butler. When an author totally blows your mind in multiple genres (because Kindred too!), it only makes sense to explore their entire backlist of titles, right? Enter Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents.

parable-of-the-sowerParable of the Sower opens with a world rocked by environmental and economic crises. The US has devolved into complete social chaos wherein even gated communities cannot be guaranteed of their safety. Food prices have skyrocketed, crime runs rampant, and emergency services are available only to those who can afford to pay the fees. Lauren Olamina lives in Southern California with her family when their relatively safe existence behind walls goes down in flames. Literally. In an attempt to survive in the aftermath, she flees northward, hoping to find a safe haven in which to explore and establish her newfound faith. Parable of the Talents continues Lauren’s story as she tries to establish a community and eek out an existence in what is left of society. Her efforts at rebuilding some semblance of life are hard won, but making headway. Unfortunately, shparable-of-the-talentse must contend with slavery, human trafficking, religious fundamentalists, and nightmarish political leaders. Suffice it to say that things don’t go particularly smoothly.

I won’t sugar coat it- these books scared the ever-loving crap o
ut of me. I hadn’t had a book related nightmare in ages (and I read Joe Hill this summer!) but these novels were chilling. CHILLING. There were so many terrifying and startling parallels to current political cycle, I can’t even. DOWN TO THE CAMPAIGN SLOGAN, YOU GUYS. I can only hope Butler is simply an insightful genius and not an actual oracle, because I am fifty shades of
freaked out. I’m not saying that a certain candidate’s presidency would bring about an apocalyptic hellscape, but, I HAVE CONCERNS.

Despite the nightmares, these books were phenomenal, insightful, and generally awesome. I would recommend that all of humanity (and probably a few extra terrestrial species) read these books. I apologize in advance for your bad dreams, bookworms, but these books are SO GOOD.

What is the last book that gave YOU bad dreams? 

*If you make a purchase through a link on this site, I will receive a small commission.*


Oct 17

Hag-Seed by Margaret Atwood

Shakespearean 13

Howdy Bookworms!

Did everyone have a lovely weekend? It feels very sneaky of me to write such a thing because technically it’s Friday night even though you won’t read this until Monday morning. Weird, right? The Internet, man. What a place. Anywho, you’ll recall a while back when I told you about Vinegar Girl (review), and how it was a fun retelling of The Taming of the Shrew? I’m happy to report that the Hogarth series is still going strong and I just got my mitts on Margaret Atwood’s contribution, Hag-Seed. It’s a retelling of The Tempest and let me tell you, it’s… Weird. *I received a complimentary copy of this book for review consideration through NetGalley. Because libraries exist and I can also get free books there, you shouldn’t be too suspicious of my intentions here. No penguins exchanged hands, so.*

hag-seedThis series is kind of amazing for me personally, because I suuuuuuck at reading Shakespeare. I can’t do it, I need to see it performed or read a translated to modern vernacular version. I’ve tried to read Shakespeare on my own, but the only plays I’ve ever made it through have been those I studied in school. Nerd fail. Unfortunately, The Tempest isn’t one of the plays we covered in school, nor did it spawn any teen friendly movie versions. Thus, I really had no idea what I was getting into. But, you know. Margaret Atwood? Hard to go wrong there.

In Atwood’s version, the artistic director of a theater troupe is thwarted in his creative endeavors and finds himself living a hermetic life while teaching Shakespeare to inmates in a prison. (Prison seems to be kind of her thing lately… I mean The Heart Goes Last (review)?) Our protagonist turns the inmates into quite an inventive set of actors, directors, and costume designers. Eventually he decides to put on the play that he was working on when he was fired while simultaneously seeking revenge on those who destroyed his career. The play was, of course, The TempestWhich is also about revenge seeking. It’s a play within a play. Turtles all the way down.

My favorite Atwood has always been dystopian Atwood, but it was quite fun to see her tackle The Bard. Although I finished reading this quite a while ago (because I’m hideously behind schedule) I can’t help but giggle a little when I think of folks attempting to make Shakespeare relevant to a less than enthused audience because Lin-Manuel Miranda, our glorious national treasure, did this on SNL. If you dig Shakespeare retellings or The Tempestyou should totally read this book. And then ruminate on the parallels between Shakespeare and hip hop. And then go listen to Hamilton. Just because.

Talk to me, Bookworms! What’s your favorite Shakespeare play? And is there a movie version available with a rocking soundtrack? Asking for a friend…

*If you make a purchase through a link on this site, I will receive a small commission.*



Oct 10

Raise a Glass to Blog Friends

BEA 2016, Blogging, Friendship, Personal 9

Happy Monday, Bookworms!

I trust you all had excellent weekends. I know I did. ADVENTURE was in the air. I drove up to the Chicago Suburbs to attend a little BEA buddies reunion with three of my favorite ladies- Julie, Marisa, and Stacey. Since I live in the middle of Illinois (more or less) this shindig necessitated a bit of a road trip, which necessitated an audio book, which is easily the biggest perk of the solo road trip. Don’t worry, I’ll fill you in on the audio book when I finish it. But let’s talk about the main event, shall we?


Photo Credit: Hubs of Julie AKA Shortman, AKA “Mr. Internet Anonymous”. Thank you so very much for being an excellent sport as we invaded your home.

FIRST: Julie’s house is impossibly bookish. She’s got a room dedicated to non fiction that makes me want to sip scotch and binge read F. Scott Fitzgerald. But she’s also got AN ACTUAL FREAKING LIBRARY. And her guest room is dedicated to Alice in Wonderland which is the epitome of whimsy. Of course, should I ever stay the night, I’ve already called dibs on sleeping in the bathtub in the Harry Potter bathroom. THAT IS A THING AND IT IS GLORIOUS! (If you click on those links you can creep on pics of Julie’s house via her blog posts. You won’t be sorry.)

SECOND: Julie makes delicious cocktails that do not taste alcoholic. It was fine because, you know, it was mid afternoon and I am a responsible adult, but I could have drained that punch bowl. Which ALSO would have been fine, probably, seeing as I already plan to sleep in the bathroom should I stay the night. Next time, perhaps.

THIRD: Stacey recently took a trip to Iceland. ICELAND! And she came back raving about how great skyr is, which caused me to demand that she read Burial Rites immediately, and then read an old post of mine in which I connected books based on yogurt. It was a weird and glorious time.

FOURTH: During BEA, Marisa had been talking about wanting to get back into teaching, and SHE DID! She’s now changing lives and molding minds. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. She’s a good egg, that one.

FIFTH: There is a limit to how often one should mention Lin-Manuel Miranda in casual conversation, and I exceeded it. Also, I shouldn’t rap. Ever.

SIXTH: Apparently I’ve been remiss in not yet having tackled Amor Towles’s A Gentleman in Moscow.

SEVENTH: I almost cried laughing when we discussed David Bowie’s costume in Labyrinth. It’s entirely Julie’s fault, though, because she is a TERRIBLE INFLUENCE. In the best way, of course.

As you can tell from the highlight reel, I had a blast hanging out with these ladies. I mean, I have people in my day to day life with whom I can discuss books and things, but there’s something magical about hanging out with book bloggers. There’s just this warm fuzzy feeling of knowing THESE ARE MY PEOPLE. Sigh. What a wonderful day. Huge thanks to Julie for hosting. Let’s do it again soon! 

*If you make a purchase through a link on this site, I will receive a small commission.*




Oct 07

Once Upon a Fitbit

Personal 13

Howdy Bookworms!

I realize I normally talk about books almost exclusively, but bear with me here. I have some thoughts a-percolating in the old gray matter and I need to get them out. I’m talking about my personal relationship with exercise. I don’t normally go OMG EXERCISE on the internet for a few reasons. Foremost among them being that if one were to take a glance at my physique, one would not immediately scream “you are a superfit lady!” and ask me for workout tips. Similarly, I’m not going through a major life overhaul where I want motivation and accountability either. Just like, I go to the gym sometimes. It simply isn’t terribly exciting.

The whole exercise thing has only been at the forefront of my mind because I started playing around with a Fitbit a couple of weeks ago. Hubs got the Fitbit for Christmas. He used it for a while, but he’s got sensitive skin and it started giving him trouble. Plus, he has issues with wearing any kind of jewelry, watches, etc. It’s a sensory thing, I think. Just drives him batty. Anyway, I thought I’d take ye olde Fitbit for a spin. Current observations… (In case it wasn’t already super obvious, nobody is paying me a darn thing. I got nothing for free. This is the most unbiased nonsense in the history of ever.)

I am just nailing this whole blogging thing.

I am just nailing this whole blogging thing.

ONE: The fact that this bad boy is a basic pedometer is no joke. You get exactly the same amount of step credit for taking a step as you do for doing a tuck jump. I think you have to do some fancy pants thing to get the appropriate amount of “credit” for exercise that isn’t running/jogging/walking. There’s an app. I am very lazy and have no intention of figuring it out.

TWO: I logged ZERO ACTIVE MINUTES for a BodyPump weight lifting class. Despite sweating my face off, feeling like an overcooked noodle immediately afterward, and having soreness in muscles I didn’t know I possessed the following morning. I feel cheated.

THREE: Complaints aside, it does give me lots of credit for stairs I didn’t actually climb, so maybe that kind of sort of makes up for the fact that it cheats me out of steps and active minutes?

FOUR: Ten thousand steps is WAY harder to reach than you might think. Especially when your exercise efforts aren’t step-heavy.

FIVE: I thought the sleep feature would be super cool, and it is. Except. The Fitbit thinks I’m sleeping when I’m reading in bed at night. I glanced at the clock when I put the kindle down last night at it was past 11, but the Fitbit registered my sleep time at 10:15. Reading puts my into a meditative state, I guess? (It also thinks I’m sleeping sometimes when I’m laying on the couch watching TV. Why you gotta judge my binge watch of Say Yes to the Dress, Fitbit?!)

SIX: Does anyone have a recommendation for headphones to use during a workout? If I’m not taking a class of some sort, I’m spending quality time with an elliptical machine and Hamilton or an audio book (Yaaaaaaay now this post is book related. Sort of.) Only my sweaty, disgusting ears keep making my standard issue apple earbuds fall out.

Are you still reading this? I probably would have stopped after I saw that pathetic phoned-in image, so YOU ARE AMAZING. If you’re still here, and you have a Fitbit, do you feel like it’s judging your television choices?

*If you make a purchase through a link on this site, I will receive a small commission. Again. Nobody paid me anything to say anything about anything in this post.*


Oct 04

Bread, Wine, Chocolate: The Slow Loss of Foods We Love by Simran Sethi

Audio Books, Book Club, Non Fiction 5

Greetings Bookworms!

I’ve discussed before that I’ve got a rather tenuous relationship with non fiction. Luckily, my relationship with bread, wine, and chocolate has always been top notch. Thus, when one of my neighbors chose Bread, Wine, Chocolate: The Slow Loss of Foods We Love by Simran Sethi for book club, my curiosity was piqued.

breadwinechocolateThis  tome focuses on a series of five foods- the aforementioned bread, wine, and chocolate, as well as beer and coffee. Sethi takes the reader on a journey to explore the history and cultural importance of each of these foods, as well as delving deeply into the flavor profiles of some of the world’s most complex tastes. From far flung cacao fields to craft beer breweries, Sethi’s research is extensive and thorough. I learned a ridiculous amount from reading this book. I mean, genetic biodiversity? I didn’t even know this was a thing I should be concerned with. And now? I am CONCERNED, y’all.

I will forever sing the praises of listening to non-fiction audio books. I don’t know why they work so much better for me than just, you know, eyeball reading, but they do. I found the scientific bits fascinating and didn’t get bogged down at all even when things got super technical and scientific. My mind was legit blown several times. I mean, do you KNOW how chocolate comes to be? Like REALLY know? I’m willing to bet that a lot of you don’t. I always imagined little beans growing on a bush somewhere that were picked and ground and VOILA chocolate. Oh no. So many more steps. And bizarrely shaped fruits. And fermentation. And don’t even get me started on coffee.

Bread, Wine, Chocolate is the stuff of foodies’ dreams. It’s awesome, though, I’ll admit that NOT being a foodie, some of it was lost on me. I love to eat and drink and all, but I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to muster the intensity and enthusiasm Sethi and the professionals she interviewed had for flavor profiles. If you happen to BE a foodie though? THIS IS YOUR BOOK. SIMRAN SETHI IS YOUR PEOPLE. GO READ THIS.

Talk to me, Bookworms! Are you well versed in wine or does it mostly make you feel like a (tipsy) nincompoop?

*If you make a purchase through a link on this site, I will receive a small commission.*


Sep 30

The Fifth Season and The Obelisk Gate by NK Jemisin

Audio Books, Dystopian, Fantasy, Science Fiction 7

Rusting Earth, Bookworms!

I’ve told you before that I rely on my bookish friends on Twitter for oodles of recommendations, but I cannot thank Shaina enough for raving about NK Jemisin. I devoured The Fifth Season (with my ears) and waited on tenterhooks for a few weeks before the sequel, The Obelisk Gate was released. Obviously, I gobbled that book down as well, but I was only semi-lucky in the timing of my reading because now I shall utterly rot in wait for release of the conclusion to the trilogy. Siiiigh. But let me tell you about these phenomenal books in the meantime, so that you may read them and then join me in my anticipation.

fifth-seasonThe world is ending… Again. Sometime in the distant future, the Earth has begun a series of catastrophic “seasons.” Seismic instability leads to volcanic eruptions that cause apocalyptic ash clouds. Unprepared populations even in The Stillness are unable to grow crops during this period and populations dramatically decrease due to violence, illness, famine, and desperation. But humanity has evolved somewhat. There are some who wield power that can help control the tumultuous earth- or use it as a weapon. Post apocalyptic society plus geological superpowers equals WHOA.

That abstract I just wrote completely sucks and in no way explains how great these books are. In fact, the world building is so incredible and detailed, it takes a bit of reading to fully understand everything that’s going on. Stick with it, though, the payoff is one thousand percent worth it. NK Jemisin is a master craftswoman. I want to thrust these books into the hands of every science fiction and fantasy reader I know. And then I want to thrust these books into the hands of people who think they don’t like science fiction and fantasy. They’re just so dang innovative! I mean, this world has NOTHING WHATSOEVER in common theobeliskgatewith Medieval Europe. It’s not just the Middle Ages plus dragons and magic (not that that isn’t great in its own way) it’s a whole different world. Except it’s THIS WORLD. Sort of. It might make your head spin a little. Don’t worry, that’s a good thing. I’m sure the books are fabulous in print, but the narrator of the audio books is superb. Besides, I always like to hear how names are meant to be pronounced, especially in fantasy novels. It adds a little something to the experience, I think. Plus it prevents me from sounding dumb when discussing the book with folks in person. The ONLY problem I can find with these books is the fact that I unwisely started the series before it was completed and therefore am prevented from full binge reading.

Alright Bookworms, who has already read The Fifth Season and The Obelisk Gate? And does anyone know if NK Jemisin’s backlist titles are anywhere near this awesome? I think I’m going to have a LOT of reading to do while I wait for the final installment of this series… 

*If you make a purchase through a link on this site, I will receive a small commission. The author will too, obviously, because royalties, so you’d be doing us both a solid.*


Sep 28

Bookish and Not So Bookish Thoughts on Banned Books Week 2016

Banned Books 7

Happy Banned Books Week, Bookworms!

It’s that time of year again, celebrating the freedom to read. I was just perusing the ALA’s statistics (check them out here) and while it probably comes as no surprise to you, the VAST majority of complaints about books come in the form of parents objecting to school curriculum or what should and shouldn’t be included in the school library. I have feelings about this. Strong ones. I’ve probably discussed them in past years, but whatever. I’m putting my ranty pants back on. They’re a bit snug, so I’ll probably be even MORE ranty.


ONE: If you are a parent or guardian of a minor, you get to dictate what they do an do not read. You DO NOT get to dictate what everyone else’s children get to read. If you take issue with a book that your child is assigned in class, ask the teacher for an alternative assignment rather than attempting to deprive a whole bunch of kids the opportunity to read. You may know YOUR kid best, but teachers typically have a pretty good feel for what is and isn’t age appropriate. Give the rest of the class a chance.

TWO: This year’s BBW theme is diversity, so let’s talk about that for a hot second. One of the more common parental objections to books is racism and/or racist language, but the books cited for racism or racist language are often written by authors of color and directly address problems faced by their communities. Racism is real and it’s ugly and pretending it doesn’t exist helps exactly nobody. I feel it’s my duty as a human being to believe folks when they try to tell me about their experiences and what it’s like to be them. I’m not going to say I don’t cringe every time I see the N-word in print, but in my experience, it’s written universally in the context of “this is not the thing to be doing.” Why not use these books as a jumping off point for a discussion with your child?

THREE: It’s pretty clear from the way I’m arguing my points here that I’m not a super conservative thinker, so when I think of folks objecting to books for religious reasons, I tend to imagine it’s a conservative Christian objecting to a different viewpoint (hey, at least I recognize my implicit bias.) But the door swings both ways on this one. Folks have objected to the Bible being available to students as well, citing certain passages as discriminatory, hateful, etc. Soooooo here’s my take. Unless your child attends a parochial school, they shouldn’t be receiving religious instruction. That said, there’s no way you can ignore religion completely in an educational environment. Trying to learn history without any sort of foundation of religious understanding is impossible. And, just because a character in a novel happens to be an Atheist or Muslim or Buddhist or Lutheran or Wiccan doesn’t make a book religious propaganda. It just means they have a particular viewpoint that influences how they react to certain situations. Also, there’s no reason a kid shouldn’t be able to access religious texts through their school library should they choose to seek them out. That’s kind of what libraries are for, you know? Learning about things you haven’t already been exposed to? If your tween comes home saying they don’t want to be Catholic anymore, I highly doubt it’s because of a book. It’s more likely because you continually sign them up for Saturday morning CCD when all they want to do is sleep in. (Alright, that might have gotten a wee bit personal, moving on…)

FOUR: LGBTQ issues- are we not over this yet? Seriously? Much like people of other faiths, LGBTQ folks totally exist. Reading a book about LGBTQ people won’t “turn” your kid. And, frankly, if your kid happens to identify as LGBTQ and you think that a book can “turn” them, your kid needs that freaking book more than anyone.


FIVE: Remember when I talked about how teachers probably have a decent idea of what they’re doing? Yeah. Teachers aren’t going to assign your 13 year old to read Fifty Shades of Grey (review). But if you think that a YA or middle grade novel is going to be any more explicit than what kids already discuss among themselves, I think you’re pretty naive. Actually, a YA novel that discusses sex is more likely to correct misinformation and serve as a cautionary tale than anything. (SPOILER ALERT: Seriously, Bella Swan gets pregnant the first time she has sex. Sure, she’s married, but she’s only 18. Plus, the baby is half vampire and literally kills her so she has to become one of the undead, so…)

SIX: Part of the reason that school reading lists seem so outdated and stodgy has to be because parents pitch a fit when something like Eleanor & Park is added to the reading list (which is so flipping chaste, I cannot even.) I can appreciate the classics as much as the next nerd, but you’d get a lot more student engagement by assigning Rainbow Rowell than you would by assigning Herman Melville. Plus, a focus on the classics places a focus on (let’s face it) a lot of dead white dudes. There’s so much more out there!

SEVEN: I can only hope that attempts to ban books blow up in the face of would-be banners. In the words of the incomparable Hermione Granger: “Oh Harry, don’t you see?’ Hermione breathed. ‘If she could have done one thing to make absolutely sure that every single person in this school will read your interview, it was banning it!” – JK Rowling, Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix

Alright Bookworms. Talk to me. If you were in high school and a book was removed from the reading list for scandalous (IE, parental objection) reasons, how likely would you be to seek out and read that book? 

*If you make a purchase through a link on this site, I will receive a small commission.*


Sep 26

Bite Size Reviews September 2016

Bite Size Reviews 12

Howdy Bookworms!

I have a massive backlog of books to tell y’all about so I’m going to put some little bite size reviews together for you today. Maybe someday I’ll catch up. Stranger things have happened. (Also, STRANGER THINGS did happen. Did you watch it yet?! Did you love it?!) Here we gooooooo!


ONE: Girl Underwater by Claire Kells– I got this book through Netgalley (which means I got a free book, full disclosure.) It was a quick read, but MAN I have GOT to stop reading books about plane crashes if I ever plan to fly anywhere again. Engrossing, reminded me of Before the Fall by Noah Hawley (review) though that’s probably moooostly because of the plane crash survivor swimming and rescuing children thing. I did get a little bit frustrated by the protagonist sometimes, though. Her hangups and secret keeping seemed unnecessary and weird, especially the way she acted around Colin even prior to the crash.

TWO: Hamilton: The Revolution by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jeremy McCarter- Hamiltome. It was everything I wanted it to be. Plus pictures! I now know a whole lot more than I ever did before about what goes into making a Broadway show, and I got all sorts of delightful little backstage snippets. Lin-Manuel’s commentary is priceless. I love his glorious nerdery. I stand by my statement that LMM could convince aliens that humanity has something to offer the universe and that we shouldn’t be exterminated. (Please don’t have a scandal, please don’t have a scandal, please don’t have a scandal…)

THREE: Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler- Girl runs away to NYC and gets a job working in a high end fine dining restaurant. Plus sex and drugs. Anyone who has ever waited tables should read this. Even if you waited tables at a super lame chain restaurant and wouldn’t know red wine from white with a blindfold on, you’ll still relate on some level. Fun fact! I waited tables for a few months in college. I was terrible at it. I’m an excellent tipper as a direct result of this experience.

FOUR: We Are Unprepared by Meg Little Reilly- I snagged a copy of this book at BEA and was super excited to read it. Hipsters move to Vermont to homestead, world weather patterns go wonky and apocalyptic storms are forecasted. I liked the whole concept, I mean, I love a good apocalypse story. It also seemed especially fitting because I was reading this during the Baton Rouge floods. BUT. I did not love the relationship between our hipster couple Pia and Ash. I don’t want to get super spoilery, but fetishizing mental illness is nooooooooooot cool, and I think this book went there. Proceed with caution.

What have you been reading, Bookworms? 

*If you make a purchase through a link on this site, I will receive a small commission.*




Sep 21

Sofia Khan is Not Obliged by Ayisha Malik

Cozy Lady Fiction, Romance 8

Good Day, Bookworms!

I’m going to give you a tip. If you’re looking to diversify your bookish repertoire, you can’t beat lurking on Twitter. The #diversebookbloggers hashtag is simply a wealth of information on phenomenal books written by and/or starring folks of diverse backgrounds. That is how I came to discover the gem that is Sofia Khan is Not Obliged by Ayisha Malik (thank you to Amal and Nuzaifa for inadvertently bringing it to my attention!)

sofiakhanFinding love in London has never been the simplest endeavor, but dating while also being an observant Muslim adds a certain level of complexity. At 30, Sofia Khan has been hearing the old “hurry up and get married” line from her family for years. But Sofia is not one to settle. Just ask her recently jilted for being too close to his parents boyfriend. (And really. Can you blame her? I have a fabulous relationship with my in-laws, but I still wouldn’t want to move in with them indefinitely.) During a bout of dating frustration, Sofia finds herself roped into, of all things, writing a book on Muslim dating.

Following Sofia on her journey through dating and compiling stories for her book is seriously freaking charming. The book is a little Bridget Jones’s Diary, a little My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and a lot of wonderful. If you’ve got a soft spot for romantic comedies, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Fans of Sophie Kinsella, TAKE NOTE!

I haven’t been super vocal about the fact that I’m trying to read diversely, because I’m not an expert on diverse literature and I’m still exploring and learning. Buuuuuuut, I’m totally into trying to read diversely. Yay diverse books! It can be a little overwhelming though, because a lot of the diverse books I’ve read feature really intense, heavy themes. They’re often incredibly powerful and important stories that need to be told, but emotionally wrenching literary fiction isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I know that I, at least, need the occasional palate cleanser, and that’s why Sofia Khan is Not Obliged was such a breath of fresh air! Diverse books of ALL genres are out there, it just takes a little digging to find them sometimes… Or Twitter lurking. Whatever. GO READ THIS BOOK, FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!

Talk to me, Bookworms! If your partner wanted to share a dwelling with his extended family, would you be cool with it, or would you run for the hills like Sofia?

*If you make a purchase through a link on this site, I will receive a small commission.*


Sep 19

So You Want Me To Speak at Your Wedding…

Personal 10

Long Time No See, Bookworms!

Sorry for falling off the planet on you, but last week was a few different kinds of crazy. One of the reasons being that I was busy bridesmaiding. One of my closest friends (she writes a blog! go visit! Quirky Chrissy) got married on Friday and I was proud to stand up in her wedding as Matron of Honor. (We had the maid vs. matron discussion and I decided I preferred “matron” not only because I am, in fact, a married woman, but because it sounded like I had more authority. Which seemed fitting.) Anyway. I gave a speech, and because I believe it to be of superior quality, I’m going to share it with you. Without further ado, a toast to the groom (to the groom! to the groom! to the groom!) to the bride (to the bride! to the briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide):

Bridal selfie on the left, bustle repair on the right. I'm the MacGyver of weddings.

Bridal selfie on the left, bustle repair on the right. I’m the MacGyver of weddings.

Welcome everyone, my name is Katie and I’ll be your friendly neighborhood Matron of Honor this evening. My dear friend Chrissy has authorized me to give a speech, probably against her better judgement, so I’m going to do my best to only embarrass her a little.

I first met Chrissy at Freshman orientation for Bradley University. I was an 18-year-old malcontent wearing the world’s baggiest pants and hoping the teen angst thing I’d been cultivating for years would translate to my new environment. Because I didn’t know anyone and I enjoy junk food, I decided to tag along with a group of people going to Steak N Shake. That is where I first laid eyes on the pink-est person I’d ever met. That’s right. Pink top, pink sneakers, pink scrunchie (yeah, those were still in fashion… sort of), and the girl even ordered a pink milkshake. Frankly, I’m still not convinced she actually likes strawberry, I think she just wanted to color coordinate. She took one look at me in my black t-shirt and comically large pants and decided to be my friend. “I’m going to make sure you have fun” she told me. And she’s been doing that ever since.

Fast forward through many adventures, shenanigans, and hairbrush singalongs, Chrissy met a new fellow. I knew it was getting pretty serious when she asked me to meet him. I rarely got to meet Chrissy’s dates- I’m pretty protective of my girl and I don’t have much of a filter when it comes to those I deem unworthy of her. I was SO THRILLED when I finally met Brian. He was such a nice, smart, interesting guy. I mean, he can have conversations on psychological studies and books and science and still totally geek out on pop culture. Quite the catch.

Chrissy is nothing if not exuberant about life. She’s got one of the kindest hearts of anyone I’ve ever known, and Brian’s more sedate temperament compliments my friend perfectly. I hope that today lives up to each and every one of your expectations, and that your future adventures are bright and sparkly. My love for the two of you goes through walls. Thick ones. Cinderblocks. To Chrissy and Brian!



I know, I know. You desperately want me to stand up in YOUR wedding now. I’m afraid that ship has sailed, folks. Six dresses I didn’t choose are hanging in the closet and four speeches have been given to riotous applause. Best to retire while you’re on top, right? (HJM, if you’re reading this, I WILL come out of retirement if you decide to marry Meatasaurus. But I’m only doing it for the ouzo.) What did YOU do last week, Bookworms?