Happy World Penguin Day, Bookworms!
Were you unaware of the occasion? I couldn’t let it slip by without recognition, and I think I’ve come up with an appropriate celebration. I was recently given a belated birthday gift that is, in a word, exceptional. I now have in my service this incredibly dapper gentlebird:
Why yes, that IS a tiny fish tucked into his hat band!
This is my new penguin butler. His name is Alfred, after Batman’s butler, because we want to encourage him to aspire to greatness… And also to learn to dust Jim’s tasteful Batman statues. I cannot think of a better way to mark this momentous occasion or to thank my friends than to turn the blog over to Alfred for the day. Without further ado…
Dear Master and Mistress M,
I am would like to extend to you my sincerest gratitude for installing me in my new position. It is incredibly difficult for a penguin butler to find work these days. The terrible economy no doubt hurts our situation, but the utter lack of television sitcom butlers currently on the airwaves significantly hampers demand. It makes one long for the days of The Nanny, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Benson, and the glorious Mr. Belvedere. The dog butler statue on Modern Family just makes a mockery of our noble profession. Penguin butlers and waiters have a proud tradition dating back to the days of Mary Poppins. It is, frankly, offensive to be lumped in a category with such a nonsensical creature as a talking dog butler. Katie and Jim are not, perhaps, the most dignified couple I’ve worked for, but Katie asks for little more than the occasional glass of wine and Jim is content to tell me terrible jokes. (I swear I offer him no encouragement, it’s as though he’s used to people not following his train of thought…) As I said, I’m quite satisfied with this arrangement and I thought it only proper to send my thanks. Please send your daughter (the tiny dragon princess) my kindest regards.
Cheerio,
Alfred P. Waddlesworth
- P.S. Katie practically demanded that I include a post script. She said “the consummate professional always has something to add.”
- P.P.S. Katie obviously thinks this because she is NOT a consummate professional and never attended finishing school.
- P.P.P.S My favorite book is most certainly NOT Mr. Popper’s Penguins, as you were no doubt wondering. As a professional penguin, I’m insulted by the idea of us as sideshow performers. Preposterous.
- P.P.P.P.S The rumors of my affair with Penguin 413 known by some as “Josie” have been greatly exaggerated. (And by “greatly exaggerated” I mean 100 percent true. Be. Jealous.)
As you can see, Alfred has settled into our home quite nicely, although he DID peck at me a bit when I tried to read aloud to him. I think he’s offended by my affected English accent. I really should stop, but LOOK AT HIM! Do any of you Bookworms have plans to celebrate World Penguin Day? Have some fish for dinner, perhaps? Maybe heckle a leopard seal?
Daddio
A fine tuna casserole for dinner please! Or does Mr. Waddlesworth not deliver this far North? Glad to see he’s finally gainfully employed rather than sitting about watching reruns all day.
Words for Worms
I don’t know about that, we DO have Mr. Belvedere on DVD…
Daddio
PS. Perhaps I should address him simply as Waddlesworth. It seems more gentlemanly.
Ashley F
Awww he’s adorable.
Words for Worms
He thinks you’re rather charming as well!
Amanda
He’s the cutest! And polite! A great penguin butler. Happy world penguin day 🙂
Words for Worms
I think so. He is quite a catch.
Rhian
In Australia we celebrate World Penguin Day with a public holiday, so I had the day off work! But I didn’t do anything particularly penguiny. Does watching ice hockey count?
P.S. 25 April is also Anzac Day in Australia. Lest we forget.
Words for Worms
I had to google Anzac Day, and that’s like our Veteran’s Day. Excellent day to remember heroes AND penguins. Ice hockey counts, particularly if you’re watching the Pittsburgh Penguins play.
Melissa
You’re too much! I had no idea it was world penguin day but Simon has a penguin raincoat that is too adorable. He may have to wear it today even though there isn’t a cloud in sight 🙂 And let me know if you want me to hold on to it when he’s finished. It would be adorable on nephews, nieces, or future babies!!
Words for Worms
A penguin raincoat you say? Well. I have a nephew percolating and mayhaps babies of my own down the road a ways… So… If you wouldn’t mind saving it, I’d love you foreeeeeever!
therelentlessreader
Omg, Mr. Belvedere! Welcome Alfred 🙂 I wish you all the best luck!
Words for Worms
Thank you! We have Mr. Belvedere on DVD, and I think Alfred may be shirking his dusting duties to indulge. Tisk tisk. He’s lucky he’s so adorable.
Sarah @ Sarah Says Read
Ohmygoodness, World Penguin Day? I cannot even imagine the excitement you must be feeling.
Oh and Alfred is adorbs.
Words for Worms
It’s pretty intense, I’m not going to lie. I love those weird little birds so damn much!
RebeccaScaglione - Love at First Book
Alfred,
Was it you that I pet while visiting Sea World? Or was that your brother?
Sincerely,
Rebecca
P.S. I’m from Love at First Book
P.P.S. I have more important things to say so I’m adding them here.
P.P.P.S. Um. . . What is your favorite book then?
Words for Worms
Hello Rebecca,
Alfred here. I have never been to Sea World but I have a cousin who butles there. Perhaps he was the penguin that made your acquaintance. As far as favorite books go, I only read Shakespeare’s histories. The comedies are too ridiculous and the tragedies too melodramatic.
RebeccaScaglione - Love at First Book
Alfred,
Thank you for such a quick response. It sounds like you could have your own blog. Alfred’s Pretentious Views on Shakespeare. 😉
vishalbheeroo
Cool Mr Butler and love how you made his thoughts so vibrant.
Cheerio
Vishal
http://www.vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com
Words for Worms
Thanks!
Heather
Alfred P. Waddlesworth is THE BEST.
Words for Worms
I like to think so, too. 🙂
Lyssapants
Hello, I’d like to offer you a complementary mental status exam.
Words for Worms
Have at it, professional! You wouldn’t be the first… Muahahahaha!
picturemereading
That is seriously cute!
Words for Worms
Oh thank you. I love him.
Akilah
I love every single thing about that letter, especially the Mr. Belvedere reference. And Benson. Also, the Mary Poppins reference.
So, basically, I am impressed with Alfred’s pop culture knowledge.
Words for Worms
Alfred is a wealth of knowledge. His pop culture references are astounding. You should HEAR him rail on Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP.