Happy Birthday, Baby!

August 22, 2018 Motherhood, Personal 13

My Darling Bookworms,

You’ll have to forgive me, I’m about to leak a bunch of feelings onto the internet. I scheduled this post to go live at 8:09 am central time on August 22, 2018 because at that very moment Sammy will have spent exactly 365 days breathing the air of planet Earth. (Sorry about the air quality, buddy.)

 

I’m a natural pessimist, so, as I mentioned yesterday, I read a lot about the difficult parts of early parenthood. I discussed the possibility of postpartum depression with my doctors before Sammers was born and was totally prepared to call in the reinforcements if needed. I’d read that not everyone immediately bonds with their child and that you’re not a monster if that happens. I’d read that breastfeeding can be incredibly difficult and that it’s totally OK if it doesn’t work out for you. I knew that I was going to be covered in all manner of bodily fluids at different points in time and attempted to steel my ickyness reflex. Heck, I’d even read posts about the first post labor bowel movement being the stuff nightmares were made of. There was no blog post too over-share-y. I was NOT going to go into this blind.

Side note: I’d recommend that all pregnant people do a little PPD research before the baby arrives. It really upsets me that PPD is so stigmatized and taboo. It can happen to ANYBODY and it doesn’t make you a bad parent. The stigma is garbage and leads to unsuspecting new parents suffering in silence during what should be a hormone-fueled haze of wonder and sleeplessness and joy. If you still feel like an emotional train wreck after 2 weeks, CALL YOUR DOCTOR. This has been a public service announcement. (For the record, I wasn’t afflicted with PPD so it’s pretty easy for me to tell people to reach out. But, I mean, you’d have treated your gestational diabetes, wouldn’t you? It’s not a personal failing to require medical assistance.)

To recap, I was prepared for the bad stuff (most of which I avoided by pure dumb luck.) I was not, however, prepared for this tidal wave of heart-eye-emoji, all-consuming adoration. I thought I’d be relieved to have survived the first year of parenthood, not clutching Sammy’s teddy bear in a dim living room and crying because it had all gone by so quickly. I am a SUCH a cliché. Just goes to show that parenting probably never matches anyone’s expectations.

This tiny person that I see every day? I just love him so much! Don’t get me wrong, screaming babies in the middle of the night aren’t any fun. But sometimes after he’s been snoozing in his crib for a while and I’m not ready for bed yet? I miss him. (I’m almost afraid to type that because I’ve become extremely superstitious when it comes to sleep and now he’ll probably stop sleeping altogether and I’ll be a zombie. He still doesn’t usually sleep through the night, so I don’t get to miss him for too long.)

I’d be content to snuggle Sam and watch Sesame Street for hours on end. Every time he learns something new I’m filled with pure delight. I’m completely undeserving of this sweet, kind, occasionally rascally little boy.

Happy Birthday, Samuel James. I love you throughout all the infinite universes. To the moon and back simply is not far enough.

Oh right, this is a book blog. Ha! I read I Love You Just Like This! to Sammers the other night before bed and got choked up. It’s the perfect book for your Elmo obsessed kiddo and your Mama Heart. (Thank you, Auntie Angie!)

13 Responses to “Happy Birthday, Baby!”

  1. Somer

    My lil guy is 15 months and you captured all the feelings so well. I also wanted to know everything. And the few things no one told me about I was so annoyed ha ha. Curious how you’re finding time to read now? My husband used to give me Saturday mornings as a book date for myself, where I’d go to a coffee shop. But somehow that fell out of our schedule. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • Words for Worms

      I read at night before I go to bed and listen to a lot of audio books, which was more or less what I was doing pre-baby. Sometimes if Sammers is fighting me on a nap and I end up rocking him to sleep and holding him while he naps, I’ll read on my phone. But there’s no reading happening when he’s conscious unless it’s of the children’s book variety.

  2. Jenny @ Reading the End

    Oh, happy birthday, beautiful baby Sam!! I’m so glad it’s been an amazing experience for you — y’all are such a lovely family and you deserve every happiness in the world. My eyes are hearts right now.

    • Words for Worms

      Thank you, Jenny! We’ve been incredibly fortunate on our parenting journey so far. Honestly Sammers deserves 100% of the credit for that because Jim and I are still just flying by the seats of our pants.

  3. Michelle

    Happy birthday, Sam!

    I have thoroughly enjoyed watching your parenting journey with your adorable and delicious son this past year and know it will continue. There is SO much fun stuff in store for you both. I can’t wait to see it all unfold!

    • wordsfor

      Don’t you worry, we’ve got several years before he gets to the “Moooooooooom don’t take my pictuuuuuuuuuuuuuure” phase.

  4. Rachel Probst

    Congratulations on making it through the first year!! 🙂 Its such a wonderful wild ride! I’m so very happy for you and your little family!
    And I totally did the same thing pre-birth…I was preparing myself for every negative thing. I was sure I’d end up depressed and hate my life. Quite opposite, I’ve got those heart-eye feelings exploding out of me too! 🙂

    • wordsfor

      Oh gosh, I remember you were SUPER nervous before Grace was born! I don’t think I was quite at that level (seeing as I was pretty desperate to have a baby at all) but I was definitely in the mindset of expecting it to be intense. I think Grace and Sam are both fairly chill kids, so there was definitely some luck involved. I know people are always saying that social media makes parenting look like a breeze and glosses over the hard parts, but I’ve seen a lot of posts about stomach flu and colic and diaper blowouts. I must just have an excellent circle of friends, LOL.

  5. lostinliterature108

    Great words, Katie, on the PPD. I had it, but I didnt really know it. It’s good to have someone who knows the signs to be watching over you. I remember my Dr. quizzing me at my 6 week appt. and I figured I needed to be far worse off or needed to be reacting differently than I was to actually “have” it so I told the dr. I didn’t think I needed anything. I was completely overwhelmed and scared and looking back it’s like I can remember a general cloud over my head in those days. Like they show in the commercials. I thankfully have never encountered any stigma associated with it but you can be sure I watch my new mama friends in those early days with a lot of sympathy.

    Happy Birthday Sammers and we’ll done, Mommy!

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