So You Want Me To Speak at Your Wedding…

Long Time No See, Bookworms!

Sorry for falling off the planet on you, but last week was a few different kinds of crazy. One of the reasons being that I was busy bridesmaiding. One of my closest friends (she writes a blog! go visit! Quirky Chrissy) got married on Friday and I was proud to stand up in her wedding as Matron of Honor. (We had the maid vs. matron discussion and I decided I preferred “matron” not only because I am, in fact, a married woman, but because it sounded like I had more authority. Which seemed fitting.) Anyway. I gave a speech, and because I believe it to be of superior quality, I’m going to share it with you. Without further ado, a toast to the groom (to the groom! to the groom! to the groom!) to the bride (to the bride! to the briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide):

Bridal selfie on the left, bustle repair on the right. I’m the MacGyver of weddings.

Welcome everyone, my name is Katie and I’ll be your friendly neighborhood Matron of Honor this evening. My dear friend Chrissy has authorized me to give a speech, probably against her better judgement, so I’m going to do my best to only embarrass her a little.

I first met Chrissy at Freshman orientation for Bradley University. I was an 18-year-old malcontent wearing the world’s baggiest pants and hoping the teen angst thing I’d been cultivating for years would translate to my new environment. Because I didn’t know anyone and I enjoy junk food, I decided to tag along with a group of people going to Steak N Shake. That is where I first laid eyes on the pink-est person I’d ever met. That’s right. Pink top, pink sneakers, pink scrunchie (yeah, those were still in fashion… sort of), and the girl even ordered a pink milkshake. Frankly, I’m still not convinced she actually likes strawberry, I think she just wanted to color coordinate. She took one look at me in my black t-shirt and comically large pants and decided to be my friend. “I’m going to make sure you have fun” she told me. And she’s been doing that ever since.

Fast forward through many adventures, shenanigans, and hairbrush singalongs, Chrissy met a new fellow. I knew it was getting pretty serious when she asked me to meet him. I rarely got to meet Chrissy’s dates- I’m pretty protective of my girl and I don’t have much of a filter when it comes to those I deem unworthy of her. I was SO THRILLED when I finally met Brian. He was such a nice, smart, interesting guy. I mean, he can have conversations on psychological studies and books and science and still totally geek out on pop culture. Quite the catch.

Chrissy is nothing if not exuberant about life. She’s got one of the kindest hearts of anyone I’ve ever known, and Brian’s more sedate temperament compliments my friend perfectly. I hope that today lives up to each and every one of your expectations, and that your future adventures are bright and sparkly. My love for the two of you goes through walls. Thick ones. Cinderblocks. To Chrissy and Brian!

D’awwww

I know, I know. You desperately want me to stand up in YOUR wedding now. I’m afraid that ship has sailed, folks. Six dresses I didn’t choose are hanging in the closet and four speeches have been given to riotous applause. Best to retire while you’re on top, right? (HJM, if you’re reading this, I WILL come out of retirement if you decide to marry Meatasaurus. But I’m only doing it for the ouzo.) What did YOU do last week, Bookworms?