A Christmas Miracle: The Most Glorious Tale of the Wrapping Paper

December 14, 2012 Confession Friday, Humor, Personal 36

I like to buy wrapping paper on sale after Christmas. I’m rather particular about the paper, as I prefer penguin print (which comes as a surprise to exactly no one.) Last year I found myself wrought with the most frustrating of first world problems: wrapping paper storage. They make these lovely tubs to store wrapping paper. I like plastic storage items- they are significantly better at fighting your traditional basement storage foes (humidity, bugs) than their soft sided counterparts. Sadly, my wrapping paper tub was of the short variety, and I had purchased paper of the long variety.

Womp, womp.

Womp, womp.

“No big deal,” I thought to myself, “I’ll run out and pick up a taller wrapping paper container. I know they exist, my dad has one.” Thus I embarked on the most annoying shopping hunt that has ever been. I went to every single store that could conceivably stock the tall container. No luck. I trolled the internet tirelessly. No. Freaking. Luck.

Oh, there were “products.” There were soft sided boxes, racks to hang on the back of your door, a plethora of containers that were too short to be useful. I was several times teased with the majestic object of my affection only to be foiled by the dreaded “NO LONGER AVAILABLE” notice. To say I was annoyed is an understatement. I was absolutely fixated on this wrapping paper problem.

“WHY would they MAKE wrapping paper in tubes and NOT make a suitable storage option,” I’d cry shrilly to anyone willing to listen to me complain about something so mundane. Then, one afternoon my husband called. He sounded exceedingly proud of himself…

“Katie! I’ve got a solution for you!” I then had one of those rare moments of psychic awareness. Dread filled the pit of my stomach. “Please tell me that you did not just cut the ends off of the rolls of paper!” Silence on the other end of the line.”But they fit in the container now!” How could he not understand?! One does not simply destroy rolls of wrapping paper to make them fit into storage containers!

Jim's "solution."

Jim’s “solution.” Really Jim? Really?

It does not matter if the paper was bought at a hefty discount or that big chunks of it get tossed during the wrapping process anyway. It was the PRINCIPLE of the thing. Katie vs. The Man. The Man wasn’t going to get away with this! But. The Man did. After nearly crying over my massacred rolls of paper, Hubs went out and very sweetly purchased a laundry hamper to use for storage, but it wasn’t the same. It had no top. It was not impervious to basement-ness. I never did bring the paper down to the basement to store, for fear of humidity… (Also laziness. That would have been heavy. We have a lot of paper.) I stared at it spitefully in the corner of the guest room all year long.

The laundry hamper of disappointment.

And then it happened. THE MIRACLE! This year I was out Christmas shopping. I couldn’t find what I was looking for (an ornament shaped like a camera, if you must know) so I was store hopping. I stopped in a K-Mart. I rarely ever shop at K-Mart, unless I can’t find things other places. It’s kind of out of the way, and the lighting is bad. I like a brightly lit store. Sue me. It was at this moment that the SUN broke through the ceiling of that dingy K-Mart aisle. The Cherubim and the Seraphim joined their voices into the most beautiful rendition of Handel’s Messiah that has ever been heard by earthly ears:



Hallelujah! (Look! THE PAPER FITS!)

Hallelujah! (Look! THE PAPER FITS!)

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! (I was so excited, I bought two!)

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! (I was so excited, I bought two!)

HALLELUJAH!!! And then we had the merriest of Christmases.

HALLELUJAH!!! And then we had the merriest of Christmases.

Miracles don’t always have to be healing the sick and raising the dead, people! Sometimes they appear in the form of molded plastic. May you all have a MIRACULOUS Christmas! (And if you do not celebrate Christmas, may you enjoy your respective holidays! Or, at the very least, the day off work for no good reason!)

36 Responses to “A Christmas Miracle: The Most Glorious Tale of the Wrapping Paper”

  1. JoulesDellinger

    LOVE IT! Love, love LOVE it and apparently your husband and mine are somehow related because Travis totally would have massacred my wrapping paper thinking he was being helpful! Of course, now I feel like a failure because I don’t have ANY kind of wrapping paper storage. You know, other than the throw it in the guest room closet and slam the door shut before it falls back out kind of storage. Which totally works, by the way…

  2. Quirky Chrissy

    I have short storage. And non-basement-proof tall storage for my tall wrapping paper. BUT…I don’t have a basement. So that particular first world problem does not ail me…yet.

    That being said I just had a Christmas miracle today! I will write about it next week. That and Olga. You remember Olga? I’ll bet you can guess what MY Christmas miracle was. 🙂

  3. Ech

    I, too, enjoy a brightly lit store. I was just thinking to myself that I needed to invest in some wrapping paper storage. I didn’t even think about extra long rolls, now I have something to keep in mind while shopping. Thanks!

  4. Cindy

    I have a flat, under the bed storage container for my wrapping paper. Except it doesn’t fit under my bed. So it’s on a high shelf in my closet, which will hit me in the head every time I try to get it down. Which means I never get it down, and it uses up valuable shelf space where I could be storing purses. I need to look for one of these while I’m out shopping today! I never find them any other time of year.

  5. Daddio

    While I applaud Jim’s inventiveness, slaying wrapping paper rolls simply for being too long may indeed be a crime. I’ve contacted the IL State Police who promised to investigate right after tea and donut time.

  6. Rhian

    Bwahahahahaha, great story! Poor Jim, he’s like a cat that thought that dead mouse was the BEST. IDEA. EVER.
    I’m very impressed by your organisational skills – our wrapping paper (and ribbons and gift tags and cards) is on the floor of our linen cupboard. At least it can’t fall on my head.

    • Words for Worms

      Bonus points for not having anything fall on your head! That in itself is an achievement. Ah yes. Jim REALLY thought he had engineered the perfect solution. Poor guy.

  7. didibooksenglish

    Oh happy day, oh happy day… So glad you found a solution and didn’t have to destroy all those rolls of beautifu penguin Christmas paper. Your Christmas tree is absolutely gorgeous!!!!!!! 🙂

  8. Kristyn

    I still can’t seem to find one. Some searches bring up Homz stuff but not that. Anybody have any luck?

  9. Joan

    6/17/2013. I’m not finding this item at kmart.com. Is it local to your state/area?

    • Words for Worms

      I’m pretty sure it’s only available in season. I remember checking KMart and Sears online in the summer and not finding the containers for sale, but when I went shopping before the holidays, they had them in stock.

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