He’s Got The Whole World in His Pants

May 12, 2014 Quote Books 24

Good Day, Bookworms!

This week I’m going to be traveling (the husband is going to be home though, take note, burglars!) to visit my BFF in Ohio. She’s just had a brand new little girl, and Crazy Aunt Katie can’t resist fresh baby. Her brother went and grew up on me (though at the ripe old age of 6 he’s now into Harry Potter, so yay!) In any case, I might be slow to respond to comments and/or with the social media. I trust you’ll forgive me.

wholeworldinhispantsWhen I was in middle school and my BFF and I were in the throes of our attached-at-the-hip-insane-giggle-fest stage, my parents acquired a book called He’s Got the Whole World in His Pants by Gavin Edwards. It’s a compilation of misheard song lyrics and we found it HYSTERICAL. The lyric that got us laughing harder than anything else? The lyrics for Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer.” They’re often misheard, but typically invoke the name of Tony Danza. This one though. This one.

Correct Lyric: “Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer.”

Misheard Lyric: “Hold my clothes and tie me down, Sir.” 

I’m not sure if it was the idea of nudity, bondage, or just the extreme politeness of the sentiment but it always sent us into uncontrollable laughter. I thought it might be fun to expose some of my and my nearest and dearest’s personally misheard lyrics. Shall we?

Jim is up first, my poor long-suffering husband. He’s a clean fellow, which helps to explain his latest lyric flub. While listening to Justin Timberlake’s “Mirrors,” Jim heard:

Correct Lyric: “You and me and a pocketful of soul”

Jim’s Lyric: “You and me and  a pocketful of SOAP”

I can’t help but imagine a dude walking around in jeans foaming at the pockets with soap suds… Jim’s not alone in his lyrical incorrectness. I’ve made my share of bonehead lyric interpretations, and since we’re talking about my BFF here, I’m going to go with one of the songs that defined our grunge era teen angst, “Pepper” by the Butthole Surfers:

Correct Lyric: “They were all in love with dying”

Katie’s Lyric: “They were all in love with DIANE”

In my defense, the lyrics leading up to this point in the song list off a variety of people’s names and their escapades… I just thought they all had a thing for the illustrious Diane. It made sense to me. Of course, I also rationalized this gem from Cheryl Crow’s “Every Day Is a Winding Road“:

Correct Lyric: “I’ve been living on coffee and nicotine”

Katie’s Lyric: “I’ve been living on coffee and LUTEIN.”

At the time this song was popular, there was a commercial airing discussing the benefits of lutein, a vitamin that is supposed to promote eye health. I just ASSUMED Cheryl Crow was into vitamin supplements. Turns out she was a smoker. Still, at least I had a REASONS for thinking what I did within the context of the songs. My mom’s is perhaps more understandable, but infinitely funnier when considering the subject matter of the song, Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Bad Moon Rising“:

Correct Lyric: “There’s a bad moon on the rise”

Mom’s Lyric: “There’s a BATHROOM on the RIGHT.”

Don’t go out tonight, folks. There may or may not be a bathroom on your right. You know how dangerous that can be. If you’re in the mood for some giggles circa 1996, track down a copy of He’s Got the Whole World in His Pants and have yourself yourself a giggle!

Have you got any misheard song lyrics you’d like to own up to? 

24 Responses to “He’s Got The Whole World in His Pants”

  1. Annabel Smith

    Oh what a great post! I love misheard lyrics.

    This R-rated one I heard on TV, from the J Geils band:
    Actual lyrics: my angel is a centrefold
    Misheard: my anus is the centre hole

    And my husband’s take on Bryan Adams’ Summer of 69:
    Actual lyrics: I got my first real six-string
    Misheard lyrics: I had my first real sex dream

    Bahahaha. Can’t wait to read the others.

  2. Ashley F

    LOL you just ruined Tiny Dancer for me, for ALL TIME.

    I think my fave misunderstood lyric is Hendrix. Purple Haze….’scuse me while I kiss this guy 😉

  3. AMB (Koiviolet)

    Enjoy your trip! Maybe your nephew would like that Harry Potter-themed party I am dying to throw for my girls (I think I left a link in a previous comment on your blog). I read the first Harry Potter book with my 6-year-old twins recently. They enjoyed it, but not as much as I was hoping they would. I think they’ll like it more when they’re a bit older (so the party will have to wait!). Right now, we’re slowly making our way through the Anne of Green Gables series, and they just love it. One of my girls is “star of the week” in school, and she dressed like Anne for her class presentation today. It’s too cute!

  4. Tiffany

    My dad and I were listening to Solitary Man by Neil Diamond when I was a kid and he was singing along and said “I’ll be what I am, a solaterimba”. I asked what a solaterimba was and he said it was just a gibberish word. Yeah, for nearly 30 years, my dad thought Neil Diamond made up a word for his song.

  5. Charleen

    I had no idea what Cheryl Crow lived on, along with coffee, but I definitely did not think it was nicotine. I’ll have to listen to that song again and see if, now that I know what it is, it even remotely sounds like that… because in my mind, it totally doesn’t.

  6. Megan M.

    I mishear lyrics but I can’t think of any that are as funny as what my four-year-old daughter does! She sings this one song from school, I don’t know what it is, but I swear to you there’s a part of the song that sounds like she’s saying “oh, what the hell.” I ask her to repeat herself but I just cannot figure out what it’s supposed to be – the closest thing I can think is it’s supposed to be “over the hill.”

    Then today, she told me they sang Little Bunny Foo Foo. The part that’s supposed to go “… scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head” instead of saying “field mice” she says “females.” I said, “Umm, I think it’s field mice, honey” and she insisted that I was wrong and it’s “females” that are getting bopped on the head. Oh dear.

  7. Jennine G.

    Haha! I love visiting my friends and their babies, cause mine have gone and grown up on me too! I actually have an album on FB called “My Baby fix” where I take and post pics holding everyone’s babies!

    My brother used to think the lyrics “Baby there ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no valley low enough, ain’t no river wide enough, to keep me from getting to you baby” were actually just a series of letters being sung over and over. “K E N E al-la-low-pee-in.” Don’t ask me what the heck he was thinking an “al-la-low-pee-in” was! But after he realized that’s not what it was and told us, we all started singing it that way.

  8. Claudia

    I need this book. My own stories of misheard lyrics:

    Michael Jackson’s Beat it:

    Real lyrics: “Beat It, Beat It. No One Wants To Be Defeated”
    Heard Lyrics: “Beat it, beat it, no one wants to beat it, beat it”

    Barry Manilow’s Looks like we made it:
    Real lyrics: “Looks like we made it…”
    Heard lyrics: “Looks like tomato…”

    I know as a kid I had a ton but those are the only two I can remember.

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