There’s a long tradition among bloggers of compiling their amusing search terms into posts. In case you’re my mom (Hi, Mom!) and don’t know what I mean by “search term,” I’ll tell you. WordPress allows me the luxury of seeing what terms people type into search engines (like google, or yahoo, Mom) that get them to my blog. I’m always tickled by the ways in which people arrive at my little corner of the internet. Since I threw off my blogging schedule by skipping Top Ten Tuesday this week (because I could not think of enough under-appreciated authors), I thought it might be fun to write up my own compilation. At almost a full year into this blogging adventure, I certainly can’t list EVERYTHING, but I’ll give you the highlights. My wayward internet searchers often fall into one of the following categories…
Sam’s So Skinny! A lot of people seem to be VERY concerned about the size of Samantha Barks’s waist. I wrote a post a while back discussing my unabashed admiration for Les Miserables starring Ms. Barks and her teeny tiny waist. She is a slender lady, but rest assured, people- she was wearing an industrial strength corset under those rags. The girl was supposed to look half starved. She looks about 2/3 starved to me, but you know. Hollywood.
Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater: It appears that a lot of students are landing here because they don’t want to do their homework. Yep, search terms like “100 word synopsis on Oliver Twist” or “two essays on Little Red Riding Hood” or “symbolism in The Giver” come up pretty regularly. I’m onto you, kids! I know what you’re trying to get away with, and it’s not going to work! Your English teacher is NOT going to be pleased if you turn in a paper discussing how all the characters in The Fountainhead are douchebags. For the love of Pete! Read the books. Learn the things. I am old and already did MY homework. Now do yours! Grumble grumble grumble… And stay off my lawn, while you’re at it!
Dirty Birdies: This is the internet after all. You didn’t think I’d get away without having some salacious searches, did you? “Little Red Riding Hood porn” is disturbingly popular. “Gay centaur rape stories” came up once, which I can only hope landed that perv-a-saurus-rex on my review of the wonderful Song of Achilles. There, they would have learned about a beautiful love story that had plenty of homosexuality and ZERO centaur rape. “Bubonic trauma whores” is still a bit of a mystery to me, but I figure all the foot fetish types that have come calling were attracted by my discussion of foot binding in Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.
The Confused Christians: It would seem that the internet is the place to go if you’re concerned that your immortal soul might be in danger. Searches that have landed people here have included things like “is it okay for Christians to read Harlequin romance novels,” “is Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret appropriate for Christian girls,” and my personal favorite, “Atwood hates Christians.” You really want MY opinion? Okey dokey. Every tween girl should read Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret regardless of religious affiliation. I think romance novels are harmless, but I don’t know how your church feels about books with explicit sexy times. If you’re really concerned, maybe talk to your pastor, because my only advice is read whatever the heck you want. Oh, and to whomever thinks Margaret Atwood hates Christians? I’m a huge fan of her work. I hope that if you were looking for ammunition to denounce her books, you found a boatload of Atwood love instead.
So my dear Bookworms. I’m desperately curious. To what do I owe your presence? Were you a wandering google-searcher? Anybody want to own up to “Bubonic Trauma Whores”?!
UPDATE: Bubonic Trauma Whores is a rock band that I am not cool enough or hip enough to have heard of.
UPDATE Part 2: “Eaten by Orcs” was a search term today. Love. It.