It’s Tuesday and I’m back in action! The ladies of The Broke and the Bookish have asked us to list the top ten words or phrases that will keep us from picking up a book. (Coincidentally this topic is the counterpart to to a previous Top Ten Tuesday, which you can find heeeere.) In case you were wondering what topics I’m not into, today is your lucky day. Ready, Freddy?
1. Self Help. Yeah, so there’s a chance that I don’t like being told what to do. There’s definitely an audience for these type of books, but the audience isn’t me. (This goes for diet books too… Actually, it especially goes for diet books.)
2. Christian. I know right? This makes me sound like I’m hating on religion. I’m not. It’s just… I REALLY don’t like being told what to do. The rules I apply to self help and diet books also apply to religion. In the same way I’d avoid a missionary knocking on my door, I avoid these types of books. (Jim wants me to work in a reference to Kirk Cameron, and I’m grasping at straws. But Growing Pains. Now that was a great show. Because of Alan Thicke… And Boner.)
3. Paranormal. I most definitely have come across books that are exceptions to this rule, but it’s not my go-to genre. Vampires, werewolves, angels, demons, ghosts, and whatnot are only welcome in moderation.
I ain’t afraid of no ghosts. (Source)
4. Dragons. Unless you’re the Khaleesi or Harry Potter, I don’t want to hang out with your dragons. Probably. Don’t quote me on that.
5. Military. I have the utmost respect for the armed forces. However. I don’t get the inside jokes, I don’t understand the hierarchy, and I think I’d be emotionally scarred by reading graphic battle scenes on a regular basis.
6. Cookbooks. I am capable of cooking. That does not mean that I enjoy it. Also, Jim is a picky eater, so new recipes throw him for a loop. Cookbooks full of Katie proof recipes and easy things? Sure, at least that’s practical. But Julia Child? You can keep all that souffle nonsense to yourself. My favorite “cookbook” is a collection of recipes my Mother-in-Law compiled as a wedding gift. They’re all the family favorites, complete with modifications, shortcuts, and notes on how not to ruin it. I don’t want to brag or anything, but when I put my mind to it, I can make a mean jello salad.
What is that? Delicious is what that is. (I’ve never taken a photo of my own pistachio salad so I had to borrow from wikipedia.)
7. Politics. Much like religion, I don’t like discussing politics in polite company. I probably wouldn’t read a book written by a politician. I probably wouldn’t read a fictionalized account of Washington insider scandals. I probably would have been completely bored by the long discussions of Swedish politics in the Millenium Trilogy (Oh wait, I totally was!)
8. Leopard Seals. Don’t expect me to have any sympathy at all for these penguin eating savages. These aren’t even the cute seals that sometimes get clubbed for coats or whatever. These are enormous, ugly, giant toothed villains of epic proportion. Circle of life my fanny. I’d embrace a world overrun by penguins.
9. Sports. Yeah. I don’t dig sports. If nobody is doing a back flip, I’m not really interested. (Which is to say I probably would read a book on gymnastics because back flips are the COOLEST!)
10. Coleslaw. Why does coleslaw even exist? It is so yucky! Whose idea was that awful white dressing anyway? Cabbage and I get along just fine without you, icky dressing. Just stay in your jar, okay? (I may be running out of legitimate book topics and just listing things I don’t like…)
What about you, bookworms? Is there a word or phrase that will send you running from a book?