Category: Poetry

Dec 23

A Video Christmas Card

Personal, Poetry, Video Blog 23

Hi Bookworms!

I wanted to create a video Christmas card for you because I’m going to be going off the grid for a few days to celebrate. I included the text below the video in case any of you wanted to read as opposed to watching. I certainly don’t blame you. (Although the video does include some of our Christmas decorations, and really, who doesn’t want to see the penguin tree?!)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, at Gingerbread House,

No computer was whirring, no click from a mouse.

And though I was nestled all snug in my bed,

I was not sleeping, but reading instead.

While lost in a world of fantastic time travel,

I heard a strange noise, like a skid on some gravel.

Shortly thereafter, the sound of a crash,

And away to the window I flew like a flash!

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But a miniature sleigh, and no single reindeer.

I stood there confused, and scratching my noggin,

When I noticed the penguins begin to toboggan.

Santa soon shouted, “Dudes, let’s not dawdle,”

And then those sweet penguins took off at a waddle.

They gathered up packages, ribbons, and bows,

And while burdened with sacks, to housetops they ROSE.

I stood there dumbfounded, and no wonder why,

Who would’ve thought that PENGUINS could fly?!

It happened so quickly, and just like a flash,

Santa was shouting, “Fellows, let’s dash!”

“Now Carroll, now Chaucer, now Atwood and Dickens,

On Austen, on Bronte, on Shakespeare and Whitman.

We’ve filled every stocking and left every gift,

Now, buddies, oblige me, and gift me a lift!”

He hopped in his sleigh as the penguins assembled

They squawked and they wiggled, the giggled and trembled

I heard Santa exclaim with a quick backward look,

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good book!”

Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate! To all those who don’t celebrate Christmas, Happy (belated) Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Winter Solstice, Happy Festivus, and Happy New Year!!! (If you celebrate none of those holidays, then I simply wish you hearty good cheer!)


Feb 14

Valentine's Day Makes McFools of Us All: A Sonnet

Humor, Personal, Poetry 22

Hello my Bookworms,

Today is Valentine’s Day. We’ve never been big on the hearts and cupids hoopla, but we celebrate in our own way. I’ve written a sonnet (Shakespeare, I am all kinds of sorry for using your rhyme scheme for such a piece of nonsense.) I dedicate this poem to my husband, Jim. He’s been putting up with my antics for nearly 10 years, so he deserves some (terrible) poetry.

Valentine’s Day Makes McFools of Us All.

The first Valentine’s we did celebrate…

It was not quite what we had intended.

‘Twas the first year we’d each had a date!

We’d expected a dinner, so splendid.

So out on the town we endeavored,

Too naive to have a reservation.

Oh, the wait times they could not be measured!

Waitstaff laughed at our sad situation.

Turned away by the finest of venues,

And exhausted by our fruitless pursuit,

We gave up, and thus sought out a drive-thru:

Inexpensive, and convenient to boot!

Many years from our failed expedition,

McDonald’s is our own sweet tradition.

This was taken a month or two into dating. Giddy young love was a good look for us.

This was taken a month or two into dating. Giddy young love was a good look for us. (I just noticed this, but if you look in the background, you can see my childhood dog Benny, photo-bombing. That dog was so far ahead of his time…)

That story is 100% true, even if the iambic pentameter doesn’t completely work. We seriously drove around for hours getting laughed out of restaurants. Young, silly couples who are awkward at dating don’t understand the importance of reservations on Valentine’s Day. We got annoyed, got McDonald’s, and ate it on the floor of my bedroom. (Oh, this isn’t our ONLY holiday story involving fast food. If you ask REALLY nicely, someday I’ll tell you about New Year’s Eve at Long John Silver’s…) Happy Valentine’s Day, Jim! I look forward to spending the evening with you, the television, and Mickey D’s.

So, Bookworms… Will, um, all of you be my Valentine? (Jim promises he’s cool with it. I told him T-Swift could be his this year.)



Nov 21

The Third Anniversary is the Limerick Anniversary, Right?

Personal, Poetry 28

Three years ago today, I got married. Jim’s a good egg, so I’m still pretty glad that we’re official and all. I knew I wanted to commemorate our anniversary on the blog, because it’s my blog and I just can’t read books THAT FAST, okay? Okay. So technically the three year anniversary gift is leather. We just purchased a leather couch. I will consider that our gift to each other. Hear that Jim? You are totally off the hook on presents! I couldn’t just leave it at that, though. I really wanted to write a cheeky sonnet to my beloved. The thing is. I can’t pull off a sonnet. Like at all. You’re getting limericks instead.

I Love Your Bad Jokes

Your humor is really quite odd

The train of thought, kind of a plod.

At home I do laugh-

At most of your gaffes.

But in public, I smile and nod.

Yes, that IS a Bruce Willis record!

I Secretly Love the Vintage Transformers Collection

The Transformers that live in our basement

Inside their impressive encasement?

I pretend to despise

But you know deep inside

I do not desire replacement.

Oh yeah. It’s real.

Your OCD Tendencies Give me Peace of Mind During Late Night Trips to the Bathroom

When I sit on a toilet that’s wet

I never worry or fret

It’s just disinfectant

On the porcelain vestment

You’re the cleanest man I’ve ever met.

I also know how much you love bad clip art!

This is a long, goofy way of saying, “Happy Anniversary, Jim!” I still like you. A lot.

Gratuitous wedding photo!


I had this post all written up and ready to post on the 21st. Jim didn’t see the piece about not having to get me a present, and thus, THESE arrived at my office:

I swear the flowers are so not a regular occurrence. I don’t want to discourage this behavior though… I LIKE flowers…

Card read, “I didn’t make the nice person with beautiful handwriting write a weasel message again. Love, Jim”

In case you don’t remember the incident of the “weasel” flowers… Read about it HERE. So. Happy Anniversary to us. And Happy Thanksgiving Eve to EVERYONE!