Kid Lit with my Kidlet: Talk Like a Pirate Day

Ahoy, Bookworms!

Today be “Talk Like a Pirate Day” and if there’s one thing I know about little scallywags, it’s that they love a good pirate story. Y’all, my Pirate is rusty as heck. Which is surprising since every one of Sam’s baths lately has involved a pirate ship. (Also a police boat that’s entirely staffed by dogs, but that is irrelevant.) Since we currently own pretty much every book in the Scholastic book order catalog, I often find myself choosing our bedtime stories according to a theme. I figured it might be fun to fill in the rest of the crew on some of our favorite pirate tales, in case the scurvy dogs in your home are craving seafaring adventures.

Pirates Love Underpants by Claire Freedman, Illustrated by Ben Cort- You know what kids love more than pirates? Underpants. I don’t know why, but EVERYTHING is funnier when underpants are involved. Zoos, Santa, bears- it doesn’t matter. Underpants = peak hilarity. This book features a pirate crew intend on finding the greatest treasure of all- THE GOLDEN UNDERPANTS. The rhymes are funny, you’ll enjoy explaining all the new synonyms for skivvies to your little one, and you get to practice your pirate voice. Solid story time option here, folks.

Pirate Chicken: All Hens on Deck by Brian Yanish, Illustrated by Jess Pauwels- You know what’s almost as funny as underpants? Chickens. For real, ask the Muppets. Chickens are hilarious. Especially when they’re also pirates. Lily is a chicken with big ideas. Not content to simply roost and do chicken-y things, she yearns for adventure. One day, when a pirate crew shows up, she and her fellow hens are taken captive, and soon enough, Lily is leading her very own crew of chicken pirates.

Pirates Don’t Take Baths by John Segal- They pillage, they plunder, they sail the seven seas, but they DON’T take baths. A kid tries to argue his way out of taking a bath, only for his brilliant mom to eventually get his stinky self into the tub. Will it convince your reluctant bath-taker to take a bath? I can’t make any guarantees. But you may pick up some solid parenting tips from the Mama Pig in this story. Truth be told, my entire parenting philosophy boils down to “buy a kid’s book on whatever behavior we’re struggling with and hope for the best.” That plus Daniel Tiger and Bluey episodes are basically all I’m going on.

How I Became a Pirate by Melinda Long, Illustrated by David Shannon- Digging a sandcastle along the beach leads to our hero Jeremy Jacob being recruited by a pirate crew in search of someone to help bury their treasure. He agrees to join the pirates on the condition that he be home in time for soccer practice, which shows great dedication to both the sport and respect for the fact that his parents definitely paid for those lessons. Anyway. Pirates don’t brush their teeth or eat vegetables which sounds like fun but is actually super gross because SCURVY. Not that the book covers scurvy, but I always mention it when I’m reading to Sam because I’m incapable of NOT making parenthetical commentary at all times. (Insufferable, truly.)

Finally, if you happen to be getting into the holiday spirit early this year, I’d also like to give a shout out to a book I’ve covered before, If You Ever Want to Bring a Pirate to Meet Santa, Don’t! by Elise Parsley (review.) It’s one of our favorites!

That’s all I’ve got for you today, mateys. Remember, pirating is only cool when it involves jaunty hats and parrots. Don’t pirate books, OK?

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