Hidey Ho, Bookworms!
I’m quite certain I’ve mentioned this before, but in case you missed it, I became an aunt again about a month ago. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law welcomed the sweetest baby girl in the history of baby girls. (This is empirically proven, of course, I wouldn’t feed you biased data.) Since our little Emma-Saurus arrived, a punch drunk series of texts have occurred… There’s a strong possibility that these exchanges are amusing only to us, but what the heck? I’m willing to share the nonsensical love. Both my husband and my brother-in-law are named Jim. As is my father in law. Not to mention the cousins. Because of course. Hence, my BIL is referred to as “New Guy” (since he is the newest Jim in the family, and probably always will be. Unless they give us a nephew one day…) We call him “New Guy” to his face and put it on his birthday cake and stuff. I’d go into more detail on the Jim situation, but I know I’ll never top the speech I gave at Jenny and New Guy’s wedding on the subject so I’m just gonna drop the mic right here and get into the text-versation.
*A teensy bit of context here. Emma has a stuffed sheep that doubles as a sound machine. His name is Sherman. She has a penchant for knocking him over. It’s probably accidental, as she’s like a month old and flails around on her little play mat, but it seems like she has it out for him. Without further ado…*
Jenny: Emma Update! She’s sleeping. (Shocker.)
Me: Wait, wait, wait. Are those tiny Shermans on her PJs?
Jenny: Those are tiny Shermans. We thought it might improve their relationship. I’ve got a bad feeling about this though…
New Guy: That’s a fist she’s making!
Me: Hit him with your best shot, Emma!
New Guy: Would we say Sherman should be wearing a WOOL-et proof vest? #punitentiary
Me: He is looking a bit sheepish. #NewGuyStartedIt
New Guy: Emma has been acting baaaah-dly around him.
Jenny: It was only a matter of time.
New Guy: Someone sent Sherman out to pasture.
Me: Emma is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Jenny: Wool done!
Hubs: Ewe guys are cracking me up. Some of these puns are shear genius.
New Guy: Winner, winner gyro dinner.
Me: I don’t mean to LAMB-ast you, but these jokes are getting baaaaad.
Hubs: Oh man, I ain’t got mutton. (Full disclosure, I almost made a veal joke before Katie reminded me veal comes from calves.)
New Guy: He better MOO-ve it. #RandomCowJoke
Me: He gets knocked down, but he gets up again. #RandomChumbawambaJoke
_____HOURS PASS_____
Me: Seriously guys? Crickets on the Chumbawamba reference? That was comedy gold!
New Guy: Sorry I missed it. I was too busy pissing the night away.
Aaaaaaaaaand scene. You know you wish you were in on this. If for no reason other than the unbearably cute baby pictures. What about you, Bookworms? Does your family get into any texting shenanigans?
Megan M.
I love it. Shear-iously. What do you guys call everyone else? Not Jim?
Words For Worms
Ah the Jims. Well. Paternal cousin is called Jim. Maternal cousin is called Jimbo. My FIL is called Bob (because he’s extremely neat like Danny Tanner from Full House who was played by Bob Saget.) My husband is Jimmy. And New Guy is New Guy. Or Jim The New Guy. Or TNG.
Kerri
That is awesome. Last week my 17 year old son was at my mom’s. I texted him, asking when they were leaving. His replies-
Right about now.
The funk soul brother.
Words For Worms
Aaaaaaaah! That is the best! I now have visions of the epic dance routine in She’s All That going through my head!
Jenny @ Reading the End
Oh man, this could not be more charming. Also I am horribly jealous that you have a little niece. I want a little niece SO MUCH, and I have been assured that I cannot expect one sooner than 2019. Bah. I’d be an amazing aunt.
Words For Worms
You would be an amazing aunt! Take a page from my book. I’ve been an “aunt” much longer than I’ve been a legally recognizable aunt. I just started spoiling the crap out of my friends’ kids. It’s kind of great, I have built in dates to any kid movie I ever want to see!
Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife
What a gorgeous baby girl!
Words For Worms
Thank you! I like to think she takes after me. I mean, I have absolutely no genetic stake in her makeup, but she’s obviously absorbed my airs of awesomeness.
Barbara Pouk
Dear Aunt Katie, Looks like Emma Jane has flattened the giraffe and is now working on Sherman. K.O. Emma.
Love, Grantie Barb
Words For Worms
Oh yeah. The giraffe never stood a chance. You think we’ve got a future ninja warrior on our hands?
Jennine G.
This is hilarious. Unfortunately, I don’t have np much texting shenanigans going on, but my one coworker and I will start this kinda thing up in conversation. Gotta brighten the day somehow right?!
Words For Worms
Heck yes!
Barbara Pouk
Katie, I forgot to ask, if the worst happens, who will deliver the ewelogy?
Words For Worms
Dear Aunt Barb, I have never loved you more than at this exact moment. #PunsRunDeep
Melissa
This was the best ever. It made me giggle and bleat.
Words For Worms
LOL, I can’t stop hearing bleating now. I can’t believe we all missed out on that punning opportunity! Well done!
Michelle
LOL! These are hilarious! It makes me wish I was closer to my family or that they were half as witty as yours.