How To Keep Katie From Reading Your Book (Top Ten Tuesday)

July 23, 2013 Top Ten Tuesday 98

Salutations Bookworms!

It’s Tuesday and I’m back in action! The ladies of The Broke and the Bookish have asked us to list the top ten words or phrases that will keep us from picking up a book. (Coincidentally this topic is the counterpart to to a previous Top Ten Tuesday, which you can find heeeere.) In case you were wondering what topics I’m not into, today is your lucky day. Ready, Freddy?

TTT3W1. Self Help. Yeah, so there’s a chance that I don’t like being told what to do. There’s definitely an audience for these type of books, but the audience isn’t me. (This goes for diet books too… Actually, it especially goes for diet books.)

2. Christian. I know right? This makes me sound like I’m hating on religion. I’m not. It’s just… I REALLY don’t like being told what to do. The rules I apply to self help and diet books also apply to religion. In the same way I’d avoid a missionary knocking on my door, I avoid these types of books. (Jim wants me to work in a reference to Kirk Cameron, and I’m grasping at straws. But Growing PainsNow that was a great show. Because of Alan Thicke… And Boner.)

3. Paranormal. I most definitely have come across books that are exceptions to this rule, but it’s not my go-to genre. Vampires, werewolves, angels, demons, ghosts, and whatnot are only welcome in moderation.

I ain't afraid of no ghosts. (Source)

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts. (Source)

4. Dragons. Unless you’re the Khaleesi or Harry Potter, I don’t want to hang out with your dragons. Probably. Don’t quote me on that.

5.  Military. I have the utmost respect for the armed forces. However. I don’t get the inside jokes, I don’t understand the hierarchy, and I think I’d be emotionally scarred by reading graphic battle scenes on a regular basis.

6. Cookbooks. I am capable of cooking. That does not mean that I enjoy it. Also, Jim is a picky eater, so new recipes throw him for a loop. Cookbooks full of Katie proof recipes and easy things? Sure, at least that’s practical. But Julia Child? You can keep all that souffle nonsense to yourself. My favorite “cookbook” is a collection of recipes my Mother-in-Law compiled as a wedding gift. They’re all the family favorites, complete with modifications, shortcuts, and notes on how not to ruin it. I don’t want to brag or anything, but when I put my mind to it, I can make a mean jello salad.

What is that? Delicious is what that is. (I've never taken a photo of my own pistachio salad so I had to borrow from wikipedia.)

What is that? Delicious is what that is. (I’ve never taken a photo of my own pistachio salad so I had to borrow from wikipedia.)

7. Politics. Much like religion, I don’t like discussing politics in polite company. I probably wouldn’t read a book written by a politician. I probably wouldn’t read a fictionalized account of Washington insider scandals. I probably would have been completely bored by the long discussions of Swedish politics in the Millenium Trilogy (Oh wait, I totally was!)

8. Leopard Seals. Don’t expect me to have any sympathy at all for these penguin eating savages. These aren’t even the cute seals that sometimes get clubbed for coats or whatever. These are enormous, ugly, giant toothed villains of epic proportion. Circle of life my fanny. I’d embrace a world overrun by penguins.

Magestic! (Source)

Magestic! (Source)

9. Sports. Yeah. I don’t dig sports. If nobody is doing a back flip, I’m not really interested. (Which is to say I probably would read a book on gymnastics because back flips are the COOLEST!)

10. Coleslaw. Why does coleslaw even exist? It is so yucky! Whose idea was that awful white dressing anyway? Cabbage and I get along just fine without you, icky dressing. Just stay in your jar, okay? (I may be running out of legitimate book topics and just listing things I don’t like…)

What about you, bookworms? Is there a word or phrase that will send you running from a book?

98 Responses to “How To Keep Katie From Reading Your Book (Top Ten Tuesday)”

  1. derb523622013

    ROTFLMAO! You and I are very like-minded in the subjects we DON’T like to read. There is not one here I do not agree wholeheartedly with.

  2. Jessica@CapeofDreams

    I want to know what book you found that was not a cookbook and featured coleslaw. Maybe a kinky romance novel? I don’t read books that have the word “pined” in the description. I hate pining,

    • Words for Worms

      It’s more of a preemptive strike really. Like, to all the authors out there thinking about writing the history of coleslaw? I WILL NOT READ THAT BOOK! (Ha! Pining! Always makes me think of Christmas tree needles poking at one’s skin. Not sure if that was the original intention behind the term…)

  3. becomingcliche

    So a book with a recipe that tells you how-to make coleslaw for the Church of the Leopard Seal picnic would not be on your list… I do not understand.

    I am a devout Christian, and I shy away from books labeled “Christian.” I had considered writing some Christian fiction, but I know it would get buried on a shelf next to 1000 poorly-written books about the Amish.

    • Words for Worms

      YES! My library has a GINORMOUS contingent of poorly written sagas about the Amish. I don’t quite understand the phenomenon, because not having electricity sucks. Of course, if YOU were to write some Christian fiction, I’d probably give it a go.

      But your coleslaw recipe for the Church of the Leopard Seal? NEVER!

  4. JoulesDellinger

    Oh gosh, I remember there was a series of Amish books that I read as a teenager that I LOVED. Of course, I can’t remember what they were now. Also, there was a series of identical girl detectives that I read almost every book and can’t remember what that was either. Hmm… I think the moral of the story is my memory sucks.

    BUT, topics that I absolutely won’t read about. {wait for it because you know what’s coming..} ZOMBIES.

  5. Rhian

    I’m with Joules on the zombies, and I’d also add paranormal romance, especially vampires. Blech.

    OT, do you realise in some other English-speaking countries fanny doesn’t mean what it means in America? You inadvertently gave me a giggle.

  6. Charleen

    Damn, and here I just read this amazing book about coleslaw that I was going to recommend to you… well, now I know.

  7. Rick Wiedeman

    I have similar rules for writing. My first two books have religion in them, but they’re not religious (it’s natural that some people would turn to faith when the world collapses). There’s a big difference. I don’t enjoy books that feel like packaged morality plays, and I flatly despise books that are crafted to support a particular religious position.

    As for leopard seals… I’ll leave the door open to them. Have you ever smelled penguins? Maybe they live where they do so the cold will kill their sense of smell. 🙂

    • Words for Worms

      Penguins are rather stinky, yes, but I submit that Leopard Seals smell just as bad. And not all penguins live in the cold. There are 17 species and only a few live exclusively in Antarctica, although they are ALL native to the Southern Hemisphere. I am full of random useless factoids.

  8. Jennifer @ The Relentless Reader

    Thanks for making me laugh my ass off this morning my dear! I agree with almost everything you listed.I don’t mind military stuff, if it’s done well.

    Cookbooks bore me to tears. I’m a Midwesterner, jello salad and casseroles are the way to go, ha ha! (I have a recipe for “cookie salad” that uses pistachio pudding/mandarin oranges and fudge stripe cookies that would KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF!)

    I love politics and sports AND coleslaw…I’m sorry, I hope you’ll still be my pal 😉

  9. The Leopard Seal Society of Greater Texas

    Your treachery knows no bounds you purveyor of word sausage. We stop watching your blog (we can’t read, we are of course Leopard Seals) for one day while we get our belly fur manicured and you write more libelous comments about us. For your information we do get clubbed…by our wives when we don’t return home with our tuxedoed dinner companions. Don’t even get us started on not being cute. Morley Bisquick, a Leopard Seal from Paris, France, has been featured in a “Predators of the Arctic” calendar 4 years in a row. He also has an endorsement deal with Speedo. We again request that you stop disparaging the mighty Leopard Seal. You are already a sworn enemy of our kind… If you do not stop writing pro penguin blogs, you will not receive an invitation to our summer compound at Lake Winnipesaukee. We serve penguin chops with penguin butter and don’t forget flipper stew…oh and you won’t have any of it.

    • Words for Worms

      Well hello again, Nemesis. I think Morely Bisquick is lying to you. That is NOT a French name, and he would have been featured in a calendar about the antarctic, not the arctic. Perhaps he’s an undercover seal spy working for the resistance! Vive la Penguin!

      • Morley Bisquick

        Bonjour. Je suis Morley bisquick. J’ai entendu dire que vous ne croyez pas que je vis dans l’Arctique. En fait, je le fais. Mes organes génitaux sont à l’aise dans ce speedo. J’aime vraiment votre saucisse de mot et les côtelettes de pingouin. Ils sont vraiment très bon. J’ai aussi regardé dans Dazed and Confused. J’étais un stand pour Matthew McConaughey dans ce film. J’espère que vous avez une bonne nuit et cesser de parler smack sur les léopards.

  10. Daddio

    So my “How coleslaw can change your life” will have to wait before going to press?

  11. Liesel Hill

    I totally forgot to put paranormal on my list. In truth, I’m not completely against all things paranormal, but I’m much less likely to pick up this genre than others, especially if it’s paranormal romance. I find these books to often be badly written and shallow. I’m sort of all about the dragons, though. I actually love to cook, but I’m not someone who collects cookbooks. I’m more the pin on pinterest sort of gal. 😀 And if I ever write a book about coleslaw (not that I’m planning on it. Ever.) I might just dedicate it to you. 😀 J/K

    My TTT

  12. ReneeWritesNow!

    The word “BEAUTY” in a title eliminates it from contention for me. Beauty is entirely subjective (“in the eye of the beholder,” and all that) so I skip those books. Invariably, they are a source of frustration for me and I have enough of that in my life!

    • Girl

      what about black beauty?? you can read that one, it is about a horse. i am telling you, in case you haven’t heard about it, since the beauty in the title, and all.

  13. Samantha

    It’s odd…I like finding recipes and collecting them, but not usually making them. Plus I also like eating more than cooking. (Foodie doesn’t mean you cook, necessarily! :P)

    For the most part, if something has a strictly paranormal premise I don’t like it either. Except Stephen King. Because all the SK. I also don’t get scared easily. But all the vampire romance etc. just frustrates me.

  14. Rory

    I hate coleslaw, it ranks up there among the most disgusting recipes ever.

    #8 (and 1 and 2) are why I love you.

  15. kristinshafel

    Awesome list! I said “dragons” too!!! And I would also add “self-help” and “Christian” to mine but I completely didn’t even think of them, those genres are so off my radar in the first place.

  16. Jennine G.

    I don’t do zombies and horror ever! And I’m iffy about fantasy (dragons)…although it depends how fantasy it is. If the world has its own rules and ways that the characters follow, I’ll read it (think Harry Potter and Mortal Instruments series). I don’t like way out there fantasy.

    However, one of the genres I’ve focused on most the past year is a combination of your top two. I don’t read Christian fiction and I don’t read secular self help, but I do read Christian self help (and other Christian nonfiction). Although most of my self help reading is on relationships. With a husband and three kids (two teenagers), I like to improve upon relationships because I just suck at it…really, I’m not kidding. I need the help! And it helps that I get them all free through NetGalley for review (cause I wouldn’t actually buy them…it’s too iffy if they’ll be good or not).

    However, to ease your mind, I am coming to the end of the Christian self help genre (Christian nonfiction, I still have a lot to read on). I’m getting books that repeat info, so I think I’ve read it thoroughly for awhile. And, it in no way comes near equal my love of other genres, such as classics, contemporary fiction, and memoirs 🙂

    • Words for Worms

      LOL I do love the zombies. I think it’s awesome that you get something out of Christian non fiction. Get down with your self improving self!

      • Jennine G.

        Lol, well no amount of self-help will get me near much reading of numbers 4-10 on your list. I’ve forced myself to buy some sports and military based books this past year for the sole purpose of putting it on my classroom shelf for the boys. My shelf was decidedly sexist and I felt bad cause it’s mostly the boys who needed books of their interest handed to them.

  17. Paul H-C

    I have to agree on the Leopard Seals. But, I love me some coleslaw with my KFC. (Honestly not sure about a book devoted to coleslaw however.)

  18. Serafina Bear

    Steamy. if that word is anywhere near a book, it’s not for me. WWII naval ships and battles. I like WWII aircraft, but not the navy. Anything with pictures the inside of my body. I don’t need to know. Yeah.

  19. Wayne

    Hmmm, from this guy’s pov #2, 4, 6. and 8 would be definitely out and probably 9 and 10 too! Self help would be a possibility although it would have to be extremely well written and not full of the typical “think positive” “create your reality” blabber. Also, a good paranormal book like The Amityville Horror might possibly capture my interest. Katie I thought you were into zombies with your last post 😉

    • Words for Worms

      Oh I DO love the zombies. It’s some of our other readers who don’t. And that’s cool, I mean, zombies aren’t exactly cute puppies. Not everyone will like them.

      • Wayne

        Yeah I saw George Romero’s *Dawn Of The Dead* I think when I was in college. It was kind of cool and I guess has become a classic. Still, *The Serpent and The Rainbow* is really kind of interesting because it gives the formula for actually making zombies. The real ones are just very unfortunate people.

  20. Kayla Sanchez

    The politics were the exact reason I couldn’t finish the Millennium series. I loved the first book so much, bought the other two, and still haven’t finished the third one. It was a stretch for me to finish the second. Such a shame, because Lisbeth Salander was my favorite female character I’ve read in a long time.

  21. Word Hits

    Haha. Great list. My book turn offs also. You esp got me w/the coleslaw! (Hate that stuff.) Tho I did love the Hobbit which had a dragon!

  22. Turn the Page Reviews

    I read a book called The Hapiness Project for book club once- I seriously wanted to smack the author-The Happiness Project?? Really?? A book to teach you how to be happy. I was happy when I stopped reading it-done!

  23. Books, Tea & Me

    Oh Katie. You make me laugh. I’ll be sure to write a book about a Christian penguin chef who cooks up leapord seals with a side of coleslaw while competing against a dragon to run for office. And I’ll send it specially to your house. And you better like it.

  24. caitlinstern

    I found books on Wonder Bread, salt, lobsters, oysters, and the color mauve when looking for ideas for this list… so a coleslaw book likely exists.

    Religion, politics, food, and sports made my list, too.

    • Serafina Bear

      What do you think on books that are stories spun off biblical stories? I’m thinking of The Red Tent, here. I read that in a day, I liked it so much. And especially how Bible stories are so ingrained in one’s childhood (they were in mine, anyway) I think it takes such a creative person to be able to step outside of it and wind a yarn like that one.

  25. Kelly L.

    Christian and politics are on my list too.
    I can’t believe I’ve never thought of military! That one is definitely a turnoff for me.
    Great list! ;D

    My TTT

  26. Sarah Says Read

    YES for self-help and Christian fiction. Ugh. With self-help, anytime I attempted to browse through one (I worked at a bookstore, so it happened occasionally), my “yeah, who made you the expert?” attitude would come out and I’d proclaim the whole section a bunch of malarkey and walk away. And sports… yeah, the fact that I didn’t even think of that as a section of books probably says a lot.

  27. Kelly

    I love and agree with so much of this list. I feel very similarly about cookbooks. I’ve reviewed one on my blog, but it was completely practical and had very basic ingredients. As compared to the Mario Batali one my mom gave me, where I started laughing as soon as I got to “truffle oil”.

    • Words for Worms

      Haaaa! One of my very good friends is an “I love to cook things” foodie and she has told me about her truffle oil on more than one occasion. I think she’s finally given up on me.

  28. Girl

    We have very similar lists! I do read self-help though, not because I am like – I need help!, necessarily, but because it is interesting to see what people think is helpful advice. Sometimes it is really terrible advice and it is interesting to picture who would think it is a good idea.

    I try to stay away from anything that looks scary. I get worried enough about life that I don’t intentionally want to put scary shit in my head. I read ROOM and had nightmares for MONTHS. I want to go back in time to my past self and be like – DON’T DO IT!!!!

    I DID however read Elenor and Park last night, based on your suggestion. And I loved it!!!! I read Attachments a while ago and really liked it. And she writes chubster girls with real compassion, and great character, and people falling in love with them exactly how they are (which makes sense, given the author). I just loved it!! I am super excited for Landline to come out, and I have Fangirl on hold at the library now. So thanks so much for the suggestion!!

    • Words for Worms

      I’m so glad you liked E&P!!! (And that I can claim credit for recommending it to you…) I LOVED Eleanor. and Rainbow Rowell had some really great things to say about E’s size in an interview. Apparently people question her often on just how big E is supposed to be. Rowell went all badass and was like, “that’s not important. Would you like her less if she were your definition of fat? She thinks she’s big, that’s what matters.” And I was like, I love you, Rainbow. And not just because your name is Rainbow. Because you are awesome.

  29. Anna (MI)

    So I like cookbooks and collect them (please don’t shoot! unless it’s marshmallows…), but only if they’re vintage and basic, like church lady compilations or Betty Crocker. Holla to my Midwestern heritage and hatred of ‘exotic’ recipes! ;p I hate cookbooks that say “Easy Meals in 30 Minutes or Less, Using Ingredients In Your Kitchen” when really what they mean is go out and buy a bunch of shit, try a super complicated series of steps and end up with something weird!!! LOL Politics, no thanks. And the third Millennium book did drag with all the legal and political detailing. Thanks for making me laugh my ass off while reading this! 🙂 Great list.

    My TTT:

    • Words for Worms

      I aim to please! 🙂 I totally bought a Rachael Ray cookbook once… Her pantry and my pantry are not the same. I do not have curry and fish sauce on hand at any given moment… Where are all the recipes with ketchup and Campbell’s dangit?!

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