Confession Friday: I Brag About Outwitting my 13 Year Old Cousin

March 8, 2013 Confession Friday, Family, Humor, Personal, Uncategorized 39

Happy Friday, Bookworms!

It’s been a while, but it’s time to ready the confessional: I take an inordinate amount of pride in having beaten my 13 year old cousin in a battle of wits. You like personal stories, right? No? TOO BAD.

When my dad was about 15, he was attending high school at a seminary because he thought he wanted to be a Catholic priest when he grew up. (Obviously, given my existence, that isn’t the path he chose, but I digress.) My dad was MORTIFIED to learn that he would soon be getting a new sibling. Even 15 year old boys who think they want to be priests know good and well where babies come from, you know? My dad’s only other sibling had arrived before he was old enough to understand the birds and the bees. This is a long way of explaining why I, age 29 (still, but just barely), have a pair of cute as a button full on genetically bona fide first cousins that are 13 and 11 (it’s because my uncle is waaaay younger than my dad, see?)

Adam (the elder of the baby cousins) was born when I was 16. I took a day off of my first real job (working concessions at a movie theater) so I could attend his baptism. The whole time my aunt was pregnant, I insisted on referring to the baby as “Bunny.” When we found out he was going to be a boy, I was undeterred, then calling him “my Bunny Boy.” My extended family lives out of state, so I don’t see them often. About a year ago, my cousin Adam got himself a Facebook page. (Don’t turn him in- I KNOW the youngest age for Facebook is 14 or something- don’t be a bloghole.)

Anyway. Since Adam has gotten a Facebook page I’ve gotten to know him, digitally. This kid is such a smart ass- it’s fantastic. I take ALL THE CREDIT for his snarky eyebrows. He likes to send me messages containing puns and then we battle to out-pun each other. He usually wins, he’s far more practiced (also, I imagine, more adept at internet CHEATING.) A few weeks back, however, I won and it was GLORIOUS.

We have a similar "question mark" face...

We have a similar “question mark” face…

This painful exchange occurred. Be warned, this reads like consecutive Laffy Taffy jokes:

Adam: Animal Puns! You ready?! Alpaca your things so we can leave!

Katie: I don’t think I have the necessary koala-fications to compete with you.

Adam: You’re frogging right you don’t!

Katie: That’s irr-elephant!

Adam: You’re giraffing me crazy.

Katie: This is getting hawk-ward.

Adam: Let minnow when you’re read to forfeit.

Katie: You’re lion to yourself if you think I’ll give up!

Adam: I’m not going to worm out if that’s what you think.

Katie: That’s not so much a pun as an expression… (Says the girl who is running out of ideas…) WAIT! I-DEERS! “I’m running out of I-DEERS!” I WIN! HA!

I then went on to shout my victory from the mountaintops of Facebook. Adam has contested my supremacy, claiming that I was undeserving… Considering this win was isolated and I’ll probably lose the next five battles, I’m still counting it! (Is anybody else glad they didn’t have a Facebook page at 13? I mean, I didn’t have any significantly older and irrefutably delightful cousins to pun with, but my 13 year old self was a nightmare. Pretty glad Adam didn’t inherit THAT.)

Adam, buddy. Be careful what you put out there, mmmkay? You can’t take back anything you say in a hormonal rage the heat of the moment once it’s out on the internet. Trust me on this one, Bunny Boy. Also. Don’t do drugs. Sorry to go all “after school special” on you, but I feel like i need to impart WISDOM and that’s all I’ve got. Please tell your little sister that I will happily pun with her once she’s old enough for Facebook. I’m an equal opportunity AWESOME cousin.



39 Responses to “Confession Friday: I Brag About Outwitting my 13 Year Old Cousin”

  1. Ashley F

    Oh lord. My only cousni on my mom’s side is 19 to my 29. He of course thinks he’s the smartest thing on the planet. Too bad he’s actually a dumbass who only speaks jock. *sigh* He clearly got none of my nerd genetics. Also he needs to stop growing because at 6’3″ to my 5’4″ that shit just needs to stop.

  2. Sarah Says Read

    AWWWWWW snarky cousins chatting on Facebook! I am friends with all of my cousins on Facebook, but we all pretty much never talk… which is la suck. Maybe one day I’ll move to Hawaii and be closer with some of them…

    Also, those animal puns are hilarious. They tickle my I-find-corny-stuff-hysterical bone.

    • Words for Worms

      Ha! I’m glad you appreciate our terrible jokes. I’m a little jealous that your cousins are in Hawaii… I mean, it’s all tropical and stuff. Go visit!

  3. Megan M.

    That is so cute. I have a baby sister born when I was 17 (and our older sister was 22!) so my children will probably have a big age gap with their cousins, especially considering I am the only one out of my siblings to have had children and my girls are already 5 and 3. But to know that they have things like this to look forward to comforts me. 🙂

    • Words for Worms

      Awww! You just melted my frosty heart a little. Just remember- coolness pays no attention to age. I’m sure your girls will make AWESOME grown up cousins to their little ones!

  4. Adam

    THE ONLY REASON YOU WON IS BECAUSE I GOT UP TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT!!! Your “victory” was completly false!

  5. Akilah

    My first job was working at the movie theater as well. Everybody started in concessions at our theater. Good times. I smelled like popcorn for, like, ever.

  6. Karen

    Adam– don’t feel bad, she may have won but she in no way “totally owned” you. IDEERS???? really, is that all ya got, girl? [And a boy has to eat (next time plan ahead.)] You might want to make part of your next win that she can’t call you “Bunny Boy” online, though. (Don’t feel bad, we called my son “pooper” for years.)

Talk to me, Bookworms!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.