Happy Friday, Bookworms!
It’s been a while since my last confession, but I just can’t keep this one in any longer. According to the pharmacist at Wal-Mart (don’t judge me- I’m frugal!) I am a low-talker. Seinfeld did an episode on low-talkers, but I just saw Pitch Perfect and the only low-talker I shall ever think of again is this one:
Photo Credit goes to www.illtumblrforyoa.com
Allow me to preface this tale with the story of my name. My maiden name is 10 letters long and has a German spelling. This confuses people. When I was a kid, I could spell our last name aloud before I could even say the alphabet because I heard my parents spell it out so often. When I got married, I was lucky in several ways. First, you know, the love of my life and all. Second, Jim’s last name is Kelly (and I say this because really, creepers, it’s the Irish equivalent of Smith. It’s about as anonymous as you can get.) Third, I got to keep the same initials! I was stoked to trade up to an easily pronounceable last name, even though I was mildly disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to hyphenate my last name. (My initials would have been HIGHLY offensive.) Anyway. I’m used to name confusion. For my last name. Confusion with my first name? Now that was a Wal-Mart moment. This is how things went down.
ME: (Standing waiting to be acknowledged by someone who can fetch my medicine)
Old Pharmacist Guy: Have you been helped?
ME: Nope.
OPG: What can I get you?
ME: I have a pickup for Katie Kelly.
OPG: I can’t find it in the system. Can you spell the last name?
ME: K-E-L-L-Y
OPG: Still can’t find it. Birthdate?
ME: 3-22-83
OPG: And the first name again?
ME: Katie.
OPG: (mumbles something that sounds like “H” under his breath) Nope. Still not here.
ME: It’s Katie. K-A-T-I-E.
OPG: Oh, Atie? Okay. Let me try that. Nope. Not here.
ME: Yes, it’s here. I got the call saying it was here. Katie. Kelly. It’s weird. I have a first name as a last name.
OPG: Yeah. Kelly. But…
ME: KATIE. K-A-T-I-E. Like, short for Kathryn.
OPG: Oh KATIE. That’s not what you said. (Exaggerated sigh.)
ME: (Internal steam buildup, angry angry eye roll.) Thanks.
Seriously?! Seriously. Old Pharmacist Guy. You thought my name was Haiti?! Or Atie?! Haiti isn’t one of those places people name their children for. It’s an impoverished 3rd world country. I can’t imagine anyone would name their kid “Haiti” unless they were FROM Haiti, in which case they would pronounce it like “Aye-Ate-Ee” which I know because I learn things from Wyclef Jean.
And Atie? Really? Even if “Atie” was all you heard, and you’d realized from the exchange that you weren’t hearing me well, ATIE is the name you’re going to guess? Haiti and Atie before KATIE, which is one of the most common female names since EVER?! And then you have the nerve to get snippy with ME? I’m not even a low talker! I project very well! Ask the guy with the office next to me. He hears my conversations with myself ALL DAY LONG.
I think the moral of this story is clear. Wal-Mart needs to improve their health care coverage so their employees can afford hearing aids. Also. Wal-Mart needs to improve their book selection. Just putting that out there.
Any of you bookworms have an annoying tale of woe regarding a misheard name? Tell me about it!
Karen H
My maiden name was Moret, pronounced More-et. It was often pronounced More-ay by people thinking it would be cool to try out a French pronunciation. I was used to that one. The best was at a doctor’s office. I’m sitting in the waiting room, and the nurse calls out “Karen Moron.” Technically that’s not a misheard name, but it’s a good story.
I think I am a mush mouth talker on the phone. My name is Karen Harrison, and I get Taren Garrison, Maren Tarrison, and many other variations. It’s made me so paranoid that I now give my name with a big emphasis on the K and the H. I know it makes me sound slow-witted, but it’s my coping mechanism. Don’t judge.
jamjar62
Oh, and I agree WalMart needs a better book section.
Words for Worms
Seriously! It’s got like 4 bestsellers and a mountain of trashy romance novels. Not that I’m hating on trashy romance novels, but, moderation, Wal-Mart!
Words for Worms
I must underpronouce the K. But like… It’s hard to overpronounce a K without spitting. Not sure what’s worse. Perhaps I should start saying my name is “Ka-ka-ka-Katie, beautiful Katie” and burst into song!
Ashley F
Try having a last name Fernandes when you look like your German mother. I’ve had so many people ask me “where the heck do you come from ?” it’s disturbing. And it’s with an s not a z. My people are Portuguese not Spanish. Sheesh. I spell my name before people even ask so I feel your pain.
Words for Worms
Ooooh yeah that would suck. Because even if you said “spelled the Portuguese way” people would be confused. The only question I get now is if it’s Kelly “with an -ey or just a y” for the last name, which is sweet. But I get called “Kelly” as a first name a LOT by accident. This is a first for being called Haiti though. Sigh.
Ashley F
You almost get into the habit of saying “Fernandes with an S, not Z” when you say your name.
Erica A
Try Abdnour. That is all. 🙂
Words for Worms
This is the price you pay for being all sexy and Lebanese, ERICA!
CorrieP
I went to school with a couple Abdnours and the mis-pronunciations ARE ridiculous. Personally, my maiden name is Blakemore, pretty simple right? But yet we’ve gotten Blakentree, Blakenship, and even Clakemore. My married name is Pavlick which is only ever mispronounced as a short “a” instead of a long “a”.
Words for Worms
I would think you’d get more trouble with Pavlick than Blakemore, since that’s probably (knowing the town you’re from) Slovak and Blakemore sounds pretty anglo-saxon. People are weird.
Michelle Proulx
I’ve got a pretty fun last name – Proulx. Pronounced “Prew” with a rolled R (it’s French) but I usually get Prew-lox or Prewlx. 😀
Words for Worms
Duuuuuuuuude! Your name has a silent X! That’s like the best silent letter ever!
JoulesDellinger
Oh my gosh Katie I’m going to go ahead and throw this out that this is your funniest blog post ever. I laughed my butt off throughout, because it’s totally something that would/has happened to me to. Because Dellinger is such a freaking hard name to figure out that it starts with a “D”… oh, and no relation to John you asshats, that’s Dillinger.
Words for Worms
LMAO Joules, I have TOTALLY had the John Dillinger thought, but my internal monologue went “NO, that’s Dillinger with an I. Plus that wouldn’t be cool anyway, he didn’t ACTUALLY look like Johnny Depp.”
Daddio
No k-k-k-komment!
Words for Worms
Daaaaaaaaaad. The difficult maiden name is technically ALL YOUR FAULT. I mean, I love you anyway. I’m just saying.
June
My maiden name is kind of insane, but surprisingly my first name also causes me problems. For some reason, people frequently think that my name is Jane even though that really doesn’t sound much like June. Also, I can’t even tell you how many times people have said the word “dude” kind of softly or from far away and I’ve thought they are saying June. I mean, it doesn’t happen much anymore because the word “dude” is totally outdated and no one says it. But back in late middle school/early high school? Yeah, I spent a lot of time thinking people were talking about me when really they were just constantly calling each other dude!
Words for Worms
Yeah, your maiden name was hardcore. I love that you used to hear “June” in “dude.” I sometimes hear “Katie” in “lady” and occasionally in “baby.” That’s probably mostly due to being very self involved though…
Quirky Chrissy
K-k-k-Katie! 🙂
My name has a j in it. But it doesn’t SOUND like there’s a j in it. My whole life has been a disaster of last name problems. I have been waiting my whole life to marry up in the alphabet from W and to get an easier last name. *waiting…* *waiting…*
Words for Worms
Yeah, I think you beat me with the silent J. The silent letters really throw people for a loop. Hopefully you don’t have to wait too much longer! 🙂
Sami
All these comments are awesome! My first name is Samantha but my mom thought it would be a great idea for me to go by Sami which isn’t even spelled Sammy or Sammie and to top it off I either get called Sandy, Jamie or Amy. I’ve given up at this point and just nod and go along with whatever they want to call me! BTW…I wouldn’t have high expectations for Walmart’s book selection…judging by the People of Walmart website there isn’t really a market for a stellar collection.
Words for Worms
Sami with an I must have been annoying! I always assumed that people who spelled their names “with an I” just changed the spelling themselves during a teen angst phase. It was endemic amongst the Katie/Katy/Kati/Katiy/Katee/Kadee/Cadty crowd. My husband’s grandmother used to call me Amy. Nobody was ever quite sure why…
Lyssapants
I don’t think you need to speak up, I think he needed a fist to the face.
Words for Worms
I love it when you get violent.
Sarah Says Read
That really does sound infuriating. Yay for upgrading to an easier late name though! If the honeyman and I ever get married, I have sadly agreed to take his name – is last name is lame. But I will name my last name a second middle name instead, so I don’t lose it completely.
Names are weird. And so are Walmart employees.
Words for Worms
Names ARE weird. And Walmart employees? An eclectic bunch, to be sure. My husband is fond of pointing out that no Walmart employee ever looks like the sunny, perfectly quaffed, happy to price match lady in the commercials.
justJen
Mine is a German version too, and I ALWAYS say-it-and-spell-it , adding ‘F as in frank, T as in Tom’, to avoid the bastardizations of Woofter. Having a soft, low voice insures that it will get f’ed up 85% of the time despite me spelling it out.
Words for Worms
OOooh yeah that f plus t combo is killer. Everytime I try to do off the cuff “F as in…” comparisons I end up saying something completely stupid because it’s what popped into my head first. I’m like “F as in French Fries and T as in Tuberculosis.” This never ends well.
didibooksenglish
See that’s why you shouldn’t be so frugal. Everybody knows when you go to Walmart you get whack behind the counter, even at the pharmacy. That place gets on my nerves. If your name was Mary they’d probably get it wrong. Next time slap your hand on the counter to make sure he’s paying attention and then spell it out with your body like a cheerleader. 🙂
Words for Worms
Cheerleader spelling!!! Why didn’t I think of that?!
H. Stern
My maiden name, Hannah Stern, is essentially the “Jane Doe” of the Jewish world. Where I grew up, there currently lives no less than six “Hannah Stern”s.
My married name is extremely distinct, and there’s only two or three families in the world that have it. Unfortunately, it’s easily misheard. At a hotel, my husband and I can spend 5-10 minutes trying to sort out what the booking could POSSIBLY be under. That’s SUPER fun when trying to check in after a 2am flight, btw.
Words for Worms
Bwahahahaha. The “Jane Doe” of the Jewish world. That’s fantastic. 2 am flights plus spelling out last names equals cranky a cranky Hannah formerly known as Stern, no? 🙂
H. Stern
That’s why a lot of reservations end up in my name. Because I can deal with “Johannah Stern,” or even “Ham Ah Stern,” but very few people will not do a double take if they think I said, “Hannah Sperm.” That tends to be a mind-sticker. So to speak.
I don’t have patience for that business at 2am, man.
Leah
My name is a little uncommon, but it is shocking how many people can’t figure out how to say it. I’ve had SO MANY teachers (you know, people who are supposed to be literate and highly educated) call me Lee or Leia (as in Princess), and even Leanne and Lean. Okay, maybe the last few mistook the H for an N. But everyone else? Do they not understand basic phonics? That my name ending in “ah” means it does not end with an “ee” sound?
I’m currently searching for my first post-college job, and I think the question I’m asked most often on interviews is how to pronounce my name — Lee or Lee-uh. It’s frustrating.
Words for Worms
Okay seriously? Leah is Old Testament! It’s been a totally respectable and commonly used name for thousands of years. People are weird.
Enchanted Seashells
Low talker, that was a great Seinfeld, Atie!
Words for Worms
Hahaha thanks!
Keila Schutten
Love this post! Ffirst because I am a pharmacist and can totally picture this scenario in my head, and second because my name has always caused me problems. My first name is Keila, pronounced Kayla. (My parents try to tell me that it is the “spanish” pronunciation though spanish speaking people still have no idea how to say it, and that it is Biblical, though the closest Biblical reference I ever found was a city called Keilah that got sacked by some king.) I’ve gotten every mispronunciation you can possibly imagine, from kee-la to keye-ee-lah.
Recently though one of my patients, who claims to be a linguist, asked me how I say my name, I told him and when he asked me about the odd spelling I gave him my parent’s explanation. He informed me that my parents obviously do not know how to spell, because there is no “k” in the spanish alphabet! Thank you sir, I’ll make sure to inform my parents right away! 🙂
Words for Worms
Hahahahaha! That’s awesome. There really isn’t a K in the Spanish alphabet. Also, the dipthong for “EI” sounds more like “ay-eeeeee” than “ay.” (My eccentric Spanish professor in college LOVED to talk about dipthongs and would randomly shout “Diptongo!”) Do you get a lot of unusual names in the pharmacy trade? Like, so many unusual names that you begin to question the normal boring ones like “Katie?”
Keila S
Yes, you would not BELIEVE the names we get to see! But because of this I’m now pretty good at guessing weird pronunciations! That being said, your pharmacist should not have a problem with Katie, he must need a day off…or Walmart should spring for his hearing aid 🙂