Outside of a Dog, A Book is a Man’s Best Friend…

November 29, 2012 Personal 14

Good morning, Bookworms! Allow me to complete the Groucho Marx quote from the title… “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read!” Ba dum bum.

I’ve mentioned before that my grown-up job has office dogs. We’re a family owned company with a casual dress code, and the bosses bring in their dogs. In case you missed it, check out this little tidbit about Harley, AKA Pirate Dog. There’s a second dog in my office, a sprightly beagle (who gets less and less sprightly in his old age) named Dakota.

Dakota is hilarious, but he is a chow hound. He’s just about the begging-est dog you’ll ever meet. He also really likes to troll people’s garbage cans for food wrappers. He’s lucky he’s so cute, right?

He also celebrates “Mo-vember.” Beagles approve of prostate exams!

Today Dakota was somewhat less cute. I LOVE English muffins. I love the toasty nooks and crannies and the melty butter or laughing cow cheese… So delicious. So low in calories. So fiber-tastic. I keep them in my office all the time. I typically leave them on my desk, where Dakota is unable to reach. At some point this morning, he managed to get my brand new pack of English muffins. (My theory is that I left them a little too close to the edge, but I’m not ruling out the possibility of chair involvement. Or secret opposable thumbs…)

The remains…

I wasn’t sure at first which dog was to blame, and I planned on trying to read guilt in their doggy faces to figure it out. I didn’t need to try and discern guilt. 5 English muffins is a lot of food for a 35 pound dog. Dakota had a SERIOUS food baby going on. Majorly distended belly. He looked like I do after gorging on pizza. I couldn’t help myself. I had to do it. DOG SHAMING!

“I stole and devoured all Katie’s English muffins. I didn’t have the decency to toast them first. I’m an ANIMAL!”

I realize this post has nothing to do with books other than a Groucho Marx quote, but cut me some slack… I’m suffering malnutrition now. Beagle induced malnutrition. Dastardly dog!

14 Responses to “Outside of a Dog, A Book is a Man’s Best Friend…”

  1. Rhian

    The Groucho quote is one of my favourite book quotes. I’m also quite fond of “I was reading a book … ‘the history of glue’ – I couldn’t put it down. Nyuk, nyuk.

    One of my workmates has a beagle, so I have heard many tales of beagles’ excessive fondness for food. This may be why our quarantine service uses beagles at the airport to sniff out contraband. Plus they are so cute, so who could be cross at being called out by a beagle?

  2. JoulesDellinger

    We had “work dogs” at my very first REAL job after college. I had never seen a boy dog’s thingie do it’s thing, so imagine my surprise when I was on a PR phone call and one big dog named Moo started licking himself and OUT CAME HIS RED ROCKET! I was flabbergasted and had to hang up the phone as quickly as possible because I was laughing so hard.

    • Words for Worms

      LMAO! Oh man Joules, that’s awesome. That reminds me of my FAVORITE Dakota and Harley story. Harley came to us as a stray dog and he wasn’t neutered. He tried to make Dakota his girlfriend. My boss, who is very sweet and never swears saw this and went, “Harley! Dakota is NOT your BITCH!” It was somehow more hysterical because it was the correct use of the word “bitch.” And then Harley got neutered.

  3. Adam S

    I’ll take the dog over a book! When are you gonna read some Motley Crue stuff? I’m tellin’ you, you’d dig it! Well, maybe….

  4. It's A Dome Life

    I can’t stop giggling about secret opposable thumbs. Dakota is really cute. Looks like you will have to be very clever about hiding your muffins from now on!

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